Thursday, June 26, 2014

Liar, Liar-Yep, That's Me!

Remember a few weeks back I scratched my arm during an episode? It is healing but still sticks out. Very pink and noticeable, and people have noticed.

They ask, "What happened there?" and "Did you get burned?" or "Looks like you got bit!" Very rarely I can keep my cool and just shrug it off and claim it's "just a scratch." More often, things get awkward and I am very obviously evasive as I try to explain the wound's origins.

I wish I could say something like, "Oh, I had a bad episode and self-harmed a little bit. That's bipolar for ya!" but that feels too dismissive. It's wrong that I don't take self-harming more seriously and imagining saying such off-hand things to other people seems to emphasize my delusion. Not to mention I'm not openly bipolar.

It's so NOT a small talk thing yet remarking on someone's visible injury is a small talk topic from the ice ages! It's been awkward for me and while people seem to let it go rather easily I hate lying about it. The lying just contributes to my shame and isolation and I won't do it anymore. Awkwardness be damned. If they ask, I'll tell them happened (what words will flop out of my mouth, I haven't a clue!) so be it.

Of course, until then I'll be hoping the mark disappears before the next person asks about that big pink wound on my arm!

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thank you for reading and commenting!

Be well, HBF