Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Rough Seas

Yesterday (especially last night) was rough for me. My mood slipped downward despite exercise and chores and I noticed a shift in my mental patterns toward some nasty habits.

The nasty habits I refer to are comparison and shame. Facebook seems to prey on these weaknesses! A bevy of false advertising and professional photography that I really believe is meant to incite jealousy catches me in my weakened mental state and plunges me deeper into shame.

As I feed the negativity I then want to divorce myself from all my perceived shame; memories, photos, and even wishing I could vanish from others' memories-as if they recall all of my most embarrassing moments. It's a sort of twisted vanity born from my depressive brain believing that my life is worse than anyone else's.

It's the hallmark of many of my worst episodes, the early stages of losing faith in my worth completely and the first step down a long, dark path toward suicidal thoughts and desperation. Hopefully recognizing the thoughts and trying harder to avoid this downward spiral will prevent a full blown episode!

And in that spirit, I'm off for a walk with the devil dog.


2 comments:

  1. I despise Facebook! Yes, pictures taken and posted but it doesn't show the other 250 pictures that showed how people really look. Please, remember your own wise words, "A bevy of false advertising and professional photography that I really believe is meant to incite jealousy..." People post pictures like that because they too are feeling fat, ugly, hopeless...

    Another reason I do not like FB it is keeping us "out of touch" with one another instead of "in touch" with one another. It has become the way we communicate with one another. What happened to picking up the phone or sending a card or a letter? No, we hide behind our computers and fabricate a life that isn't even real. That is what I love about blogging. Many bloggers tell it like it is and lay their shit out for all the world to see.

    Can you do something for me today? Please? Allow yourself to know the truth. Don't believe the lies. The truth is that Facebook is bullshit. Don't believe the lies it tells you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks Birdie :)

    I think some Facebook detox and truth exposure therapy is in order for me. It's such a relief to step out of the illusion and so frustrating to think how many people are hurt by the topsy turvy craziness that takes over.... We're all some shade of hot mess and that's perfectly natural :)

    Ahhh... Feels like I'm wearing a fabulous new style proclaiming my hot messiness! I like it! It's like I get to leave the rat race instead of thinking I have to win.

    Thanks for the pressure release and acknowledgement, it really helps :)

    Be well,
    Hannah

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for reading and commenting!

Be well, HBF