Sunday, March 29, 2015

Oh, How Time Flies

A couple weeks ago the hubster and I went to Costco for the first time since Baby was born. Walking through the warehouse I was surprised to find myself bombarded with emotions and nostalgia. I knew I liked Costco, but I didn't expect to get teary on my first visit back after birth! With a little introspection I quickly realized that it wasn't so much the store as a memory that was stirring my emotions...

A little over a year before this recent visit to Costco, in early March 2014, the husband and I were at this same warehouse doing our usual shopping. Unusual though were my raging hormones and the horrible case of baby fever I was struggling with at the time. 

During that Costco trip I became so overwhelmed by the hormones and emotions I broke down crying. Shuffling to the shady refuge of a giant tent hanging from the ceiling, I called my mom in a desperate bid for comfort. The phone call didn't really help with the baby fever, my mother hadn't dealt with baby fever and couldn't really empathize, but it did help me feel less like a sideshow as I sobbed in public and I was eventually able to get my shit together.

I had my husband take this picture of me and baby by the seasonal section, 
you can see part of the giant tent hanging from the ceiling in the upper right of the image.

Walking through Costco with my new baby strapped to my chest this March made me realize just how far we've come in a year. Thinking about all the changes over the past year made me think about how far we've come since the darkest days of my illness and I felt so grateful for making it to this point in my life, I got teary in Costco all over again!

All those months ago I was afraid to make the leap into motherhood, afraid that my illness would be too much of a hurdle and now I can't imagine life without my son. I'm still afraid of my mental health jeopardizing my life and my family's well being and future, but I know with the proper preventative care we care have a healthy, long, and happy life together. Being afraid for those I love so deeply isn't a bad thing, I just have to avoid letting that fear paralyze me!

Funny to think that that Costco could be a sentimental place for years to come! Life sure takes some funny turns...

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Be well, HBF