Friday, April 17, 2015

Ya Know That Kitten Poster?

Ya know that kitten poster? The one with the cute kitten clinging to a branch with the phrase "Hang in There?" That's me today. Last night I was down to one claw but I've recovered a bit and I'm up to about one paw hanging on ;)

It all started Wednesday.... As I mentioned before my mom came up for visit and it also turned out that the weather was good up north so our baby photo session got moved to that day. Things got a little hectic!

I was feeling pretty slow that morning but Mom and I had decided she would get to my place around 8:30 or 9:00 AM so we could get to the outlets early and have time to hang out before the hubbo and I headed north for the photo shoot. I was planning to shower that afternoon right before the hubster so I got up and put my hair up and got dressed and got baby taken care of and started sitting around waiting for my mom to show.

When the clock ticked past 9:00 AM I sent a text saying something like "hoping you're on the road, didn't get a text" since she said she would text when she left sort of thing. Well she texted back saying she was waiting out traffic and wasn't going to leave until 9:15 AM. Would've been nice to know? Right? My anxiety was already brewing so after that I started freaking out full bore about the schedule.

I texted with the hubster and decided I better shower ASAP and he suggested that he pick me up at the outlets on the way north to save time. Change of plans, some anger flares, but it worked out; she got there a little after 10:00 AM and we managed to have lunch and do some shopping before the hubster showed up.

I was a little worried about Mom bringing up the lunch with that "controversial" friend and I think she tried but I didn't bite. She alluded to the lunch and instead of talking about drama I talked about the fabulous cheesecake I had.

I was also anxious about my sister's situation coming up since I've been biting my tongue but having the photo shoot that day and being stressed as I was I didn't want to get into it, turned out it came up anyways. I talked about life and Baby but Mom just half-listened and "mmhmmed" until she found an opportunity to change the subject to my sister. Lovely. It was disappointing but not unexpected.

The rest of the day was exhausting but fun. The hubster and I went north and while the photo shoot was rough we think we got some great shots. After the shoot we were pretty dang hungry and went out to dinner then for dessert we stopped in Fairhaven for gelato and a sunset walk on the boardwalk. SO NICE. I had an affogato with hazelnut gelato (so delicious I was exclaiming the entire time I ate it) and the boardwalk was lovely.

Thursday was supposed to be recovery day but I was still anxious and couldn't settle down. I didn't nap, I didn't sleep in, I just fretted and jumped from chore to chore trying to remember what I supposed to do next. By the time my hair appointment rolled around that afternoon I was exhausted and cranky, the hubster walking into a shitstorm unprepared and stepping in it right and left.

Unfortunately that night didn't get much better. Got some decent food that evening but trying to sleep didn't work out. Baby was fussy and not feeding well which pushed me over the edge. A few times I just walked  away, even sleeping on the couch for a bit.

Today I'm still quite tired but getting rest and taking it easy is my first priority. I'm still feeling compelled to tidy and sort but I can't afford to waste the energy! Hoping some rest will help calm my anxiety.

Not doing wonderful, but not totally bottoming out. I got really angry last night but I wasn't suicidal or self-harming, so that's something.

Deep breaths and patience!

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thank you for reading and commenting!

Be well, HBF