Saturday, May 30, 2015

Not Quite Bottom

Just when I think I'm bottomed out life spits out another unpleasant twist...

This afternoon my emotional dam burst.

After a walk with the hubs, babe, and dog I took a shower. What was supposed to be an elongated, relaxing shower became an abbreviated cherry on top of my misery sundae... I found a boil flaring up.

If you've read my blog for long enough you may know that I had a brush with a carbuncle not too long ago, well a couple years maybe. Located on my inner thigh, right on the panty line it was a horrible experience. Walking became nearly impossible and very awkward and I soaked in epsom salt baths at least once a day getting the thing to burst.

Not fun then and definitely not what I need now. It took a while for the feelings to breech my inner walls but once they did I succumbed to the emotions. So overwhelmed and discouraged I cried and snorted and blew my nose all over the apartment.

I was already wishing for a body transplant and this just seals the deal.

The hubster is convinced all my issues are stress related due to our impending move. I dont think my boob and tooth are but the boil may be since stress can weaken immune systems and my emotional state definitely.

Ive been having quite a few troubling thoughts regarding Baby, thinking of shoving him in his diaper pail and shutting the lid or pouring hot soup on him, no intention of doing such terrible things just the horrible thoughts... Some self harm impulses but not much, mostly just moping and feeling overwhelmed and useless lately. If I dont stop the bleeding it could get far worse rather quickly though.

So. Here I am. Going into my weekend in a shit state with the goal of bursting a stupid carbuncle. How lovely. Not exactly the fun, rejuvenating weekend we were hoping for....

3 comments:

  1. I used to get stress induced boils. Horrible and nasty.

    I hope things settle down for you after you move. Moving with a baby should get an Olympic medal.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'll even settle for bronze as long as we get this over with as soon as possible! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Good to know I'm not alone with the boils too... Not sure why but I felt like a time traveler, seems like something to go with the plague!

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for reading and commenting!

Be well, HBF