Thursday, June 11, 2015

Almost There

It's Thursday. I'm almost there, almost to the end of the week. Not that the week or specific days means much it just feels safer when I make it to the weekend, when the hubbo gets home and I'm not "hanging in there" on my own.

This week was different. After Sunday being as rough as it was the hubster worked from home Monday and my mom came up that afternoon and stayed most of Tuesday as well, then my dad came up Wednesday afternoon. Not only was it helpful having extra hands to hold baby or help out it was grounding having people around.

It's weird, it feels like a good thing/bad thing that having other people around makes me "suck it up" a bit. On one hand it's a negative because I minimize my struggles and hide my pains, on the other it's a pro because it prevents some wallowing. Even if it's bad and good it doesn't matter, it helped me get through the week without major issues. No self harming, no suicidal thoughts. Still had some harming Baby thoughts but not nearly as many or as intense and still had anxiety and issues sleeping but it's getting better. We've adding half a melatonin to my regimen and that seems to help.

In other news, we've moved the moving day up to Monday instead of later in the month. I'm still anxious about moving and sorting and cleaning and if we'll like the new place and coping with feeling unsafe. Not that our new place is any safer or less safe than this apartment, it's just strange and new and it feels scary to me. I'm assuming I'll normalize, it'll just take time. I don't think there is any legitimate reason to be afraid otherwise the hubster wouldn't have rented it!

So, I'm doing all right this week. Caught up in a boatload of supplements, herbal teas, compresses, self care, and baby care but doing better with it all. I'm still worried for the future. We're looking into postpartum doulas, which seems like it would be helpful and a relief but also worries me a bit because of the money.

Not looking forward to traveling and social stuff this weekend for my sister's graduation. I'm wondering if basking in her pregnancy drama is going to have ill effects on me but I also think varying our routine might be a good thing. Hitting the road in measured doses is usually good for me, too much stress can make it have the opposite effect though... So we'll see.

Wish this friggin heat would subside. Running the fans all day is make my nose run a little much for my taste.

1 comment:

  1. Are there any mother and baby groups in your area? Not that they did me a lot of good, kind of made me feel like I wasn't a good mom but some women love them. Even if you just meet a few other mom's to meet for tea. :-)

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Be well, HBF