Another therapeutic letter...
I know things are hard for you right now. I know that you are incredibly lonely and that you wonder if something is wrong with you. I know that you wonder if you are doing something wrong that makes people avoid you, if you are inherently flawed and incapable of making and keeping friends.
Not being an omniscient being I cannot offer you assured veracity but I can give you my best guess and my best guess is that you are not irrevocably damaged. My best guess is that your pain is an accumulation of factors within and without yourself.
Being human we're wired for social interaction, we're wired for community but in today's world that hard-wired need isn't being met. Instead physical wires replace heart strings and we are often left wanting. Unfortunately people don't know how to cope with this. You are not alone in your struggle.
I suspect that those you have difficulty connecting with are burdened by the same challenges yet may be unaware of the true nature of their pain. You are keenly aware of the pain you are in, why you experience it, the roadblocks to connection that hamper your recovery and that awareness creates a sharper edge to your loneliness.
It's not an option for you to slip into a mindless existence of satellite TV and compulsive shopping like so many others. This difficulty doesn't just increase you pain it complicates your ability to interact with people. They don't want to acknowledge that the haphazard bandage of distraction isn't solving their loneliness and they don't want you there to remind them. Most likely, they do not realize this consciously but subconsciously attempt to protect themselves by leaving you hanging.
I know this sounds grim. I know it seems like you will never find friendship and that the plague of loneliness will continue its rampage unchecked, but I don't think it's optimistic or misguided to say that this isn't so. If you have such awareness of these issues, it stands to reason that there must be others. It's not a popular view, the masses prefer their defensive ignorant bliss, but there are others out there that share your convictions. Somehow, you will find each other.
I don't know when and I don't know how, but I think it is inevitable that you will find like-hearted people, it's just harder to find what there are fewer of in the world!
Stay strong, protect your hope, and soldier on.