Scratchy throat, phlegm, aches, extra tiredness, and a bit of coughing today. Not what I need. SOOOO not what I need.
I'm spent. Just want to crawl in a hole and disappear until things get better, as if there is some magical way for things to be made better. Not good depending on magic. Not good.
I know my mood is bad and that I can't think straight, I can't see a way for things to get better and that it's crushing me. I know I'm not firing on all cylinders yet I can't whack my head with a wrench and get it working right again. Not sleeping sure ain't gonna help.
I feel like such an idiot. I have to tell myself it's my broken brain but I'm slipping into that zone where all the logic in the world won't make me feel like a worthwhile person.
These are the days I wish that I had a reboot button like a computer... I need to be restarted. Restarted and reprogrammed. Where the hell is Happy 2.0 where you need it? Shit, I'd settle for Okay 1.0...
I know there are people that have told me to contact them when I'm feeling down but I just can't bring myself to even text. I feel like such a charity case. No one wants to talk or hang out unless it's a dire situation. Am I that repugnant? I feel ashamed and awkward, embarrassed that I can't keep it together, and so tired of fighting my way through each day.
There doesn't seem to ever be any refuge from my own mind.
This whole week I haven't slept well and it looks like I'm in for another horrible night.