Yesterday was quite a day. It could've been a train wreck but somehow I bumbled my way through it without getting bowled over.
To kick off the day, Baby had a sleeper diaper. Sleeper as in first diaper of the morning but also as in "sleeper cell." I had no idea he was cheerfully sitting on a secret mother lode. I was unzipping his sleeper sack when I noticed a blotch of telltale orange and then found more... and more. After cleaning him up and stain sticking his sleeper (quite thoroughly) I retraced my steps to find where I had laid my poop-laden sleeper whilst being unaware of his hazardous cargo. I found little poo stains in his crib, in our bed, and on the blanket in his bassinet in our bedroom. Prolific this child!
I was already staring down the barrel of a crapton of laundry, but the morning's antics just upgraded it to shitton. Somewhat literally to boot. To top off the minor cluster I started my period all while having had slept in as long as I thought we could to still make therapy on time. Oy.
I managed to eat brekkie and make it to therapy, deciding to hit up the local latte stand (very friendly owners that always cheer me up) on the way instead of waiting to swap laundry. It was a pretty good session, I had a few rambles but actively tried to focus on quality discourse and made my way back on topic (with the therapist's help) much more than usual. I often get over-chatty not having had much socialization over the week!
I'm Not Crazy
During our session we talked a lot about motherhood and my parenting style, which is apparently pretty similar to "attachment parenting." I have been having a hard time coping with Baby's cries when I can't get to him before he cries or I can't comfort him (say, during car rides or when the hubbo has him and I'm occupied) and was worried that I was "over responsive."
She said no, that's not possible and it's actually very good that I'm so responsive. She explained that right now, before Baby has begun differentiating, he thinks that we are one, he and I as one being, so my responding to him isn't just building his trust in me it's building his self confidence. When I meet his needs and respond promptly he feels like he is meeting his own needs, building self reliance, esteem, and confidence. All things that we want! I'm not crazy!
I found this helpful not just for reassuring myself that I'm not an over-aggressive AP parent or over the top/helicopter type parent but also as a bridge of sorts to help bring the hubbo and I together in our parenting. He's been having a hard time understanding why I get so upset when Baby cries and why it's so difficult for me when he takes longer to respond to Baby's fussies. Now I feel like I have the tools to explain!
Another therapy plus was a random discussion about my sister. It spawned from some worries I had about my mothers' visit, that she might bring up my blog and tell me to stop it for my sister's sake. A little "out there" since I'm not even sure my mom is aware of the blog but whatever...
I mentioned that my sister has seemed to threaten me about my blog a couple of times, like she would reveal my secret identity or something. Emotional honesty is pretty risque in my family, so I have tried to keep this blog mostly anonymous while maintaining the levels of disclosure I require for a therapeutic effect and genuineness but I think it still shows up when you blog my full name and look through the results somewhat thoroughly. Due to the content and needing to feel free to express myself, I've tried to keep this blog from my family (other than hubbo).
Well, a few times in certain family talks my sister will randomly say something about this blog. Something like "I know about that blog" combined with a challenging look that makes me freeze in fear. It's threatening! It's scary! I mentioned this in therapy and my therapist asked, "Well, is there any validity behind the threat? Is there anything dangerous in you blog?" and I quickly realized there wasn't. My sister was being an emotional terrorist!
The visual I came up with was marshmallows. In a way she was threatening to call the cops on me for having marshmallows in my pantry. I freak out thinking she has a case, but when I think about it... marshmallows are legal, I have nothing to fear! She's threatening to "out" me and my honest feelings which are considered "illegal" in my first family, but in reality, I have nothing to fear.
As I said, it could have been a doozey day, but I managed to keep a level head, stay fed, watered, and even keeled through all the laundry and baby care and emotional waves, so... yay me. I'm grateful and happy for a successful day, I needed it!