Sunday, August 9, 2015

Clench, Tense, Sleep (Not)

My teeth are sensitive this morning. Last night I was clenching my jaw and tensing my body, unable to sleep as my mind spun out stressful web after stressful web. I didn't use my mouth guard so my clenching has left me with temperature sensitivity and aches today. Took me several weeks to put two and two together, but now I know when my room temperature water zings, I should've slept with my guard in. D'oh.

Otherwise, I'm okay. Not stellar by any stretch.

The hubs and I have been bickersome since Tuesday. My mother visited Mon/Tues and after she left the hubs and I had a conversation go sideways on us which cascaded into a suicidal Wednesday, a dragging Thursday, a slightly better-wait, oh there's the bitter fighting-Friday, a simmering Saturday, and now a slow Sunday with a side of re-syncing.

We're both over-tired, under-nourished, angry at my family and the stress it's causing us and it all boiled over this week. Unfortunately we haven't much time to get ourselves reunified and rested for the upcoming trip to Leavenworth-with guess who? my parents and my sister and her baby daddy.

When we committed to the plan months ago we didn't know my sister would be there when we were and we didn't know we'd be coming off a week like this one, but here we are. We desperately need to get out and about so despite the potential pitfalls, we're going through with the trip and going to make the best of it.

We are hoping to have a relaxing trip with lots of pool time with Baby Bananaface and lounging around, maybe walking some trails and spying some wildlife. We are hoping to avoid family drama, being put upon, or totally losing our shit but at the same time we are pretty much ready for shit to hit the fan.

I don't expect my family to change or to be able to confront our issues, but sometimes I do so wish for an eruption where I could express myself and actually be heard. The very few times I've actually done that I've been A) laughed at B) minimized C) ignored-so I don't hold out much hope at any productive, honest communication with my family. Nope.

But something I can and do hope for (and plan for) is for the hubs and I to take some time away from my family and get back to good. Eating better, taking better care of ourselves, syncing up again and building our strength and happiness. We've been gimping along for too long now and we're both breaking down. That's something when the hubs shows signs of wear and tear!

In other news, Fio is at the kennel and it was odd not having him around last night. The kennel doesn't do Sunday intake, so there ya have it. We did enjoy a family walk before he left on Saturday. We got him a new collar-again (he chewed up his old-new one when we left him that Friday with the babysitter). Still terrorizes every dog he meets but when it's just us, it's almost Mayberry....

6 comments:

  1. 'we are pretty much ready for shit to hit the fan.' I am also an optimistic pessimist. I hope for the best, and expect the worst. Which at least means I am prepared for it.
    Love your commitment to some me time, some us time with hubs and baby banana. Time to build a solid foundation for the rocky times.
    Hugs.

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  2. I can relate, Hannah. I have many sleepless nights from time to time and it is awful! I am an optimist realist, I guess you can say. I am optimistic about things but am ready for when things don't turn out as I hope.

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  3. I can relate, Hannah. I have many sleepless nights from time to time and it is awful! I am an optimist realist, I guess you can say. I am optimistic about things but am ready for when things don't turn out as I hope.

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  4. I'm with you there on the sleep---it often eludes and I am hyper alert...I hope you do get the downtime with Baby Bananaface and husband and kudos for trying to build it in to your plans. Thanks for your nice comments.

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  5. I hope it all goes well and the shit does not hit the fan! One can certainly be optimistic... Happy Monday. I wish for it to be a great day for you.

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Thank you for reading and commenting!

Be well, HBF