Friday, August 21, 2015

The Appointment

The appointment went well although not exactly as we had expected...

I knew that I might cry but I was more concerned about not crying and not conveying the depth of our struggles and not getting the help we need. I cried, I don't think it matters if I did or didn't!

We told the psychiatrist about how things have been spiraling and this week being especially bad with self harming and the suicidal bit. I remember saying, "I find myself wondering if this is OK if this happens in other people's homes or if it is bad enough, not OK."

The psychiatrist confidently said "this isn't normal, this isn't what is going on in other people's homes!" and recommended a mood stabilizer and in-patient care. We were relieved and afraid, the hubs and I were a bit hesitant but both felt like this had been a long time coming.

Him staying home and trying to take care of me,  Baby Bananaface, and work is not okay, not sustainable, not enough, bad. We need more.

He and B. B. can visit me and I got a breast pump and I should be here a week. It's hard leaving them but also a relief, at least now at day 1! I'm sure I will miss them and home terribly in no time.... But for now I will rest.

Here I am.

Here.

So, this is happening...

Oh, what did we expect? Anti-anxiety meds or sleeping pills and "call if you need us." Feel like we are getting more attention than ever before, strange and scary but we are hopeful that this will be a turning point toward good things.

And yes, the jello is most excellent.

18 comments:

  1. And I'm sure they miss you terribly, too. But I'm glad you are taking care of you. This is your time to heal.

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    1. Quite right, it's something I've had to consciously focus on, putting myself first and focusing on me no everyone else... a hard thing for me!

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  2. I am absolutely breathing a big sigh of relief. We all need help sometimes. You are so brave and I am proud of you.

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    1. What Birdie said, word for word.

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    2. We feel relieved as well. I'm glad I took the leap! We'll see how I feel about it by the end :)

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    3. You keep writing and drawing. I see much talent and several good days ahead.

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  3. Echoing Birdie and Martha. Well done you. And I am so very glad you found someone who took you seriously and offered help.

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  4. It sounds as if the psychiatrist cares and was honest with you, and I am very happy for you and proud of you, Hannah. A psychiatrist is a doctor (the reason I say this is because a psychologist is NOT a doctor), so the psychiatrist, being a doctor, is able to see both the physical and mental side of our health, is able to make an accurate diagnosis and offer medication, if necessary, for whatever our condition is. I am sending you a warm hug and a smile. :)

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  5. It sounds as if the psychiatrist cares and was honest with you, and I am very happy for you and proud of you, Hannah. A psychiatrist is a doctor (the reason I say this is because a psychologist is NOT a doctor), so the psychiatrist, being a doctor, is able to see both the physical and mental side of our health, is able to make an accurate diagnosis and offer medication, if necessary, for whatever our condition is. I am sending you a warm hug and a smile. :)

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    1. Thank you Linda, that is a wonderful point!

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  6. \ send you hugs and feelings of hope. You and your family deserve a turning point to good things. I hope this important and courageous step will help you return home and once again feel the joy of being you, a mom, wife, friend, etc. Hugs!

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    1. Thank you! I look forward to feeling that joy again :)

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  7. Glad you're getting the help. This is wonderful and thank you for sharing your story.

    PS. You were funny about the jello.

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  8. Like everyone else has said, I am so relieved to hear you are getting the help you need. I wish the NHS in the UK had the capacity to help my daughter when she gets sick. As a bad mother, I don't seem to be able to help her.

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    1. We all need different help at different points and sadly it isn't a guarantee that we'll get the help we need when we need it or how we need it.... I'm glad I'm here now, I think i's the right time for it for me, but I am quite saddened that there are such limited resources such as this around my state and the country. Hoping someday things are better for all.

      I hope that you won't feel too bad, I know feeling helpless is painful. These troubles/illnesses are almost always larger than life, invisible grizzly bears terrorizing their victims and often proving too much for just one or two people to handle :) You're not alone.

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Thank you for reading and commenting!

Be well, HBF