The appointment went well although not exactly as we had expected...
I knew that I might cry but I was more concerned about not crying and not conveying the depth of our struggles and not getting the help we need. I cried, I don't think it matters if I did or didn't!
We told the psychiatrist about how things have been spiraling and this week being especially bad with self harming and the suicidal bit. I remember saying, "I find myself wondering if this is OK if this happens in other people's homes or if it is bad enough, not OK."
The psychiatrist confidently said "this isn't normal, this isn't what is going on in other people's homes!" and recommended a mood stabilizer and in-patient care. We were relieved and afraid, the hubs and I were a bit hesitant but both felt like this had been a long time coming.
Him staying home and trying to take care of me, Baby Bananaface, and work is not okay, not sustainable, not enough, bad. We need more.
He and B. B. can visit me and I got a breast pump and I should be here a week. It's hard leaving them but also a relief, at least now at day 1! I'm sure I will miss them and home terribly in no time.... But for now I will rest.
Here I am.
So, this is happening...
Oh, what did we expect? Anti-anxiety meds or sleeping pills and "call if you need us." Feel like we are getting more attention than ever before, strange and scary but we are hopeful that this will be a turning point toward good things.
And yes, the jello is most excellent.