Mom was here today to keep watch on me while the hubs was at work. She came up yesterday afternoon.
Things went pretty well. We were a little too active, going up to the outlets and walking a bit right up until my therapy appointment, but I did appreciate the distraction. The entire first half of the day I didn't get swept away by my thoughts and it was a nice break even if it was hard on me physically.
The therapy appointment went well, although it was a bit tense. My therapist was a bit baffled that I ended up hospitalized, she didn't think things were so bad. It seems like we have a chance at changing directions and making things work. It looks like I'll be in the outpatient program at Overlake for a week or so, so I said I would get in touch after or if I needed extra help during. Jury is still out, but I'd rather give it a go then add one more big change to the pot if I can help it.
Yeah, so the hubs made some calls and I got a call or two from Overlake and I have an intake appointment on Tuesday. It's a solid 2 hours long so I'm pretty sure I'm "in" but they hold off confirmation until the psychiatrist and clinical staff meet me. The program is from 8:30 AM to 2:30 PM and they have people stay 6-8 days. It would bump right up against the Disneyland trip (or should I say the controversial Disneyland trip) but I think it will be helpful, I just hope a little vacay (Fri-Tues) doesn't hamper my progress. *sigh* I just can't win. I guess I will do the best I can and leave it at that.
So... Oh. Yeah. Cancelling on my doula client has been bothering me but overall my mood was all right today. I think staying distracted helps. There's nothing worrying can do for me, so I don't feel too bad about keeping my mind off of things. The hubs and I are going to work on a phone call script so I can call her up this weekend if I don't hear back soon. *gulp* I feel so horrible but he and the psychiatrist have a point, I'm in no condition to help someone else. I can barely exist myself. So... Ugh. I still feel bad. Like I should have just bit my tongue and thrown myself under the train and done the gig, but that is self harming in a way.
Boy. I am all twisted up... How did I get so back asswards about taking care of myself? Sometimes the crazy is just unbelievable, even when I've lived with it for so long.
Anyways. Gonna work on the "DEFCON" scale to help my family know how to help me during my bad times... Might be an ongoing project this weekend between distraction and stress relief techniques.
My first day on 300 mg of Seroquel went all right, a bit tired but once I got going I stayed going.
One hour at a time. Just one. *sigh*