Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Faster than a slug, slower than a bee

I haven't been posting lately and I'm not quite sure why. Probably in part because I've been busy doing self care and getting to bed and making it to outpatient-it's very helpful but pretty tiring. I also feel like I've been lacking inspiration. 

Sure, stuff comes up in group and I'm working on changing habits and patterns at home, but for some reason translating that into blogging has been tougher. I'm not sure if maybe my meds are kicking in and changing my status quo in unexpected ways or if I'm simply tired and something had to give. Either way, less posts have been posted or even attempted.

So. I'm doing pretty well. Less and less suicidal thoughts/flashes and self harming urges and I'm able to do more self care and take better care of myself. I'm still struggling with the eating enough and feeding myself when I'm hungry but overall I've been improving. 

I've been quite worried about my mood taking a sharp upswing last week and fearing the bottom dropping out. It hasn't happened and I've been able to maintain an even keel for a few days, but the worry is becoming worse and worse. My shoulders ache, my thoughts aren't quite blatantly running away but in a subconscious way I feel the hum of anxiety in my mind.

The babe has been crawling (full crawl, belly up style now) and cruising along the level change between our living room and dining area, more babbling and his grip has improved-so much growth. In the negative we've had some fall out from my mastitis meds. The antibiotics affected his gut flora and he started getting diarrhea-not full on but enough to get major diaper rash and cause discomfort. We've got him taking probiotics and we're coating him with Vaseline and A&D waiting for things to calm down. I've still got a few days left of antibiotics.

My supply seems to be coming up again, which is good, but I am worried about keeping the freezer stash up.

Tired. Gonna laze around a bit. Maybe a lovely hot beverage.... REST is on my menu.

16 comments:

  1. Sometimes just focusing on the internal rather than the external (blog posting) is the best thing to do. Sometimes it takes all our concentration ti just move forward.

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    1. Yer probably on to something there! My brain is pretty tapped!

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  2. Take care of yourself, Hannah. Sending you a warm hug.

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  3. Is ther long-term damage to the baby if he keeps drinking your milk somce you are one meds and, you aren't giving your pwn body nutrients?

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    1. Don't think so Whisk, the diarrhea is a common side effect of the antibiotics for the mastitis but it usually subsides quickly and doesn't cause too much issue. Hopefully we get this rash under control and probiotics kick in and slow him back down.... As far as the milk nutrients my body will be leeched of stored components before the milk will be "skim" or otherwise affected as far I understand it. Don't know for sure. Haven't been able to think too far into that without inciting a self hating panic! But sounds like it's worth a Google...

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    2. http://kellymom.com/nutrition/mothers-diet/mom-diet/ Seems like he's in the clear! I knew there was something about breast milk "gettin' it done" no matter what

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    3. I had heard about the leeching which isn't good either. You gotta start eating, girl.

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  4. Hugs to you and Baby Bananaface. Rest all you can...

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    1. Thanks e :) I'm trying.... who knew rest could be so hard?

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  5. It's nice to hear from you but don't worry about blogging. Just take care of yourself.

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    1. Thanks Martha :) Hope your home projects are going well! Haven't had time to check in but I enjoy seeing the updates :)

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  6. Rest whenever you can.
    Blogging is not essential. At all.
    Hugs.

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  7. Happy to hear from you. You're still dancing, quick quick slow. Take it slow, real slow. You are making all the right moves. And in time things will balance out and your tiredness will be less (why does English need so many sssss's?) Hang in there,
    love

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Thank you for reading and commenting!

Be well, HBF