Saturday, September 26, 2015

Floundered

floun·der1
ˈfloundər/
verb
past tense: floundered; past participle: floundered
  1. struggle or stagger helplessly or clumsily in water or mud.
    "he was floundering about in the shallow offshore waters"
    synonyms:strugglethrashflail, twist and turn, splashstaggerstumblereellurch,blundersquirmwrithe
    "people were floundering in the water"
    • struggle mentally; show or feel great confusion.
      "she floundered, not knowing quite what to say"
      synonyms:struggle, be out of one's depth, have difficulty, be confounded, be confused; More
    • be in serious difficulty.
      "many firms are floundering"
      synonyms:struggle financially, be in dire straits, face financial ruin, be in difficulties,face bankruptcy/insolvency, founder
      "more firms are floundering"


This day. It could've been fine but it wasn't. It alternately recovered and was lost so many times, battling anxiety and nausea, in the end leaving me in tears, sobs, and numbness. 

I so want this pain to go away. I want better days. I need better days not these terrible ones. I need to feel like I have a normal, healthy self to return to. I know I've made some progress, but my mind doesn't see it today. I just feel so weary.

Fuck this day and it's little dog too.

Here's hoping sleep will bring me a better mood tomorrow.


11 comments:

  1. Hannah, that's it, get it off your chest...and then be done with it! Please don't beat yourself up, and don't dwell on it. Sending you a warm hug. I hope you have a pleasant and restful sleep.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Linda, I do feel like I got it off my chest a bit, which is much better for me than hiding it and letting the suffering grow. :)

      Delete
  2. The day, the little dog, and the wagon they travelled on...
    I hope your sleep was healing.
    Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Replies
    1. Thanks Whisk, me too :) So far, so .... well not good but all right!

      Delete
  4. Hannah, show compassion for yourself today. It is OK to just sit with the Black Dog instead of fighting him off. It seems to confuse him. I don't mean sit and give up. I mean sit and be kind to him. It is a good day to stay in comfortable clothes and take a hot bath or shower. Sending you so much love. You know that right?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes Birdie :) Thank you, I will try to through him off with kindness, as difficult as it is it still seems to take less energy!

      Delete
  5. Hannah,

    I hope you are having a better day? I left a reply to your comment on my blog. Hugs!

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for reading and commenting!

Be well, HBF