Friday, October 16, 2015

Blargh.

I feel bleh and argh, so blargh.

I have no appetite today and ate hardly any dinner. At the moment I feel on the edge of tears, my back aches, and I can't decide what to do with myself. I will probably go fold some laundry.

I've been sad. Even when I'm going for a walk or doing errands or otherwise keeping busy and doing the good ole "fake it til ya make it" I'm sad underneath. I don't feel well, I don't feel content, and feeling that way leaves me feeling like a failure.

I feel like I've taken so much recently that I can't complain-that I've used up my tokens for complaints and sadness-but I'm still sad. Lonely and empty. I can understand some of the bad feelings but others I don't understand; why is what I have not enough? Why aren't I happy as is? It seems like I should be. This blasted disease. That must be it. It's the only thing that makes sense in the nonsense.

Ah, one bright spot was my exceptional bath bomb tonight. It was this one. It turned the tub green then a wine-ish purple, I loved it (as much as I can love at the moment) and was sad to see it drain away.

Whatever. As if this feeling wasn't upsetting or obnoxious enough, it has to feel familiar. That familiarity in infuriating and suffocating, sad quicksand for my heart.

And so I trudge.

12 comments:

  1. Sorry to read it was a rough go day. The bath bomb sounds neat. I never heard of those before.

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    1. They are nice, a little bit of fun to bath time though I still love Epsom salts and Dr. Teals' bubble baths.

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    2. I hear oatmeal baths are nice too. I've not tried.

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  2. Dearest Hannah, I am so sorry to hear about your day. I had the same type of day today. Please, if you would like to share more and hear more about these type of days, and to be assured you are not alone, feel free to leave me your e-mail address in a message via a comment on my blog. I check all my comments and moderate them before I post, and just let me know that you are sharing a message just for my eyes, then leave me your e-mail address. I never spam anyone, nor do I ever share anyone's e-mail address with anyone, either, it will be safe with me. In the meantime I am sending you many hugs and a lot of love.

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    1. Thank you Linda, I would love that :) I will do the sneaky secret squirrel message ;)

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  3. Hi Hannah, sorry, I meant to say that when comments are left on my blog by people asking me not to publish, I respect the wishes and read them but do not publish them. This is what I was trying to say...so if someone tells me that the message is only for me and they leave me their e-mail address I do not publish the comment, I delete it. Hope this makes sense! LOL! :)

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    1. Totally makes sense! No worries :)

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  4. I am a firm believer in 'give us this day our daily whinge'. Thoughts left inside fester and grow.
    I am so very sorry that you had a bad day, and hope that tomorrow is better.
    Hugs.

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    1. So true EC... I think a Monday Missive might be in order! Thanks :)

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  5. Do you find the changing of the seasons has an affect on you? I am sitting in front of a SAD lamp right now. It doesn't cause a major uplift but it is somewhat soothing and relaxing to be in front of it. It only lasts for the time I have it on thought.

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  6. Hugs and I'm glad you at least enjoyed your bath...

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  7. I don't know Birdie, I used to be "up" in the fall until about Feb or Mar, but lately I don't know anymore, seems free season.

    Thanks e :) good point!

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Thank you for reading and commenting!

Be well, HBF