Another in my series of never-to-be-sent therapeutic letters....
Dear Little Girl,
I'm sorry you are in so much pain right now. I'm sorry that you've known so much pain for so long. I know you have been made to feel as if there is something wrong with you, that there is something you have done to bring this pain upon yourself, that it's your fault, but that isn't true.
You're a simple, sweet, innocent little girl. You are caring and honest and always driven to be genuine despite years of retribution and abandonment; you still strive to keep an open heart and that is a wonderful thing. You must remember this, internalize and cling to this: an open heart is a wonderful thing and you are a wonderful thing.
I hear you moaning in the afternoon, whimpering in the evening, and crying into the night. I hear your sobs and feel you cringe under pressures to reform yourself but you must not give into the whispers between the words. Shed your burdens, let those alien expectations go; rot, crumble, vanish. I offer you permission and gentle guidance to leave these tarnished thoughts behind. Come with me, come to a safer place, a lighter place, a happier place. We can only make it there if you leave those weights behind and I so hope that you do, Little Girl.
It's okay to be angry, darling child. Sometimes the memories will burn but we can't undo the unfairness, we can only rail against further victimization. Life isn't fair and you've been wronged, but better to become an advocate for your rights through injustice than to never realize your strength. I'm sorry this is your truth but it must be so and accepting that doesn't mean you approve or that it is "right" or "wrong" it just means that you are acknowledging where you have been as you proceed to your desired future.
I love you, Little Girl. I'm sorry if you felt that I forgot this. I'm sorry if you haven't seen much love lately, that you've forgotten what warmth and security feels like, but you are loved. Some don't know how to love you in the way you need, but that's okay, others do know and that matters more than any slights or misses.
You are beautiful, Little Girl. You are beautiful and talented and special and cherished. I believe that you have a bright future full of sharing and creating and caring and honesty and I so look forward to seeing you dwelling in those possibilities as they become your reality. You deserve that happiness, Little Girl, you deserve joy and acceptance and pride and peace. If I could give them all to you in one big present I would, with a slick, violet silk ribbon and thick silver wrapping paper with the raised designs that your fingers love to trace and caress, I would give this most precious gift to you without delay-but I can't. There is no finished product only pieces and pages of instructions, nuts and bolts and expansion sets. You have to do this on your own.
But, oh, what a creation it will be, never completed of course, but stupendous and marvelous. I imagine a sequoia stitched together out of bark, sheaves of papers penned with your stories, thick wool with whimsical designs and flowing colors and such soothing texture, sparkling baubles sewed into the seams and shining art glass hanging from every branch's elbow, all your favorite birds visiting and commenting on the new digs. I imagine a monument, a life well lived, favored memories instead of sorrow and regrets.
Let's do this, Little Girl. Please. You and me, let's make a future.
Trying to love you more than ever before,
Your Older Self