Thursday, November 12, 2015

Last Night

Last night I was agitated, fidgety, feeling paranoid and jumping at every sound. My foot bobbed and my fingers fiddled, I tried to read and eventually fell asleep with the light on. No one climbed up our balcony, no one broke in, no one snatched or killed my baby, we woke up this morning to another day.

I'm not sure if it was meds or if I'm just that depressed and anxious again, but this morning I had a superstitious moment of "So that was it..." when the hubs gently broke it to me that my sister had her baby. It happened last night just before 11:00 pm, a Veteran's Day baby.

So. It happened, this thing I've been dreading for about 7 months. I feel something but it's so deep I can't understand it yet. Part of me just doesn't give a flying rat assed fuck (no, I don't know what that is) and then this other part of me is angry and a wittle part of me is sad at the distance between my family and not feeling closer. But when my mother passive aggressives about it in the texts to my husband, kinda stokes my fire and flushes my caring.

What I do know is that this lady gets to pick out an easy chair!



6 comments:

  1. I don't know the history behind your sister and you or why the baby she had causes extra stress, but I wish for you better days ahead.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I wish for better days ahead for you and happier times. The baby is an innocent, so I wish well for that wee one, too.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sending you warm hugs and much love, dear Hannah.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm sorry for whatever problems between you and your sister stop you from enjoying the new baby and I too hope that there will be better days ahead for you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Praying that you and your sister can meet on the middle ground. Life is such a short time to stay apart.

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for reading and commenting!

Be well, HBF