Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Friday? Wait... no Wednesday.

Feels like Friday. The hubs has been home the past two days and the holiday is coming up fast.

The hubbo is excited, getting in the spirit. I am... sad. I have no appetite, I am simply helping prepare for a Christmas Eve feast because that is the thing to do. I somewhat enjoy the holiday lights, but they make me blue, wishing for a cheerier holiday. I just can't be cheery and that's that; I have to settle for a sad, every-once-in-a-while smile type of uncheerful.

In other news, Sunday has continued to shakedown and fallout. My dad sent the hubs an email discussing how hard things are for my mom at the moment and assumptions were made and basically excusing all behavior and requesting accommodations. It was really invalidating. I feel like my family just doesn't care, they're just waiting for the "all clear" so everything can go back to normal.

I can't go back to normal. When/if I get through this I'll be something else entirely and I don't want the same ole relationship with my family to pursue.

Also related to Sunday, during the phone call and email with my dad my aunt Sally came up a bit. Apparently she's not well, medications making it difficult to walk, not going to last long. I know nothing concrete, just sad hearsay...

I haven't been close with my aunt for quite some time. I saw this eventuality coming many years back and when I realized she wasn't going to stop smoking I began distancing myself. The last time I saw her she couldn't help but complain about my mom and how they were estranged at the moment or distant, whatever, it was like nothing had changed and it made me sad. I expect nothing has changed. She hasn't called or texted or written me and I'm in such a state that I can't go out on salvation missions. It feels cold but true. I just can't give myself away when I've got barely enough to cling to.

What I did do was send flowers for Christmas/just because. I made sure the arrangement had carnations because they always make me think of her and the hubby was nice enough to buy them. They should be delivered tomorrow. Delivery on Christmas Eve! I was surprised. Anywho...

I'm confused. I'm sad. I spent a healthy chunk of yesterday in bed and wanted to again today but the hubs got me moving.

I know I won't get a better mood for Christmas, but a few good hours strung together would be great.

In all my Christmas grumpery I am thankful for this blogging community and support. Even when I don't have nice things to say I feel understood and accepted, thank you everyone for that. Thank you very much.

And with that, I will copycat The Happy Whisk and do a "What am I?" just for kicks ;) (I mean, I did think it was Friday after all)

Perhaps I should've zoomed closer?
The Whisk is the pro here, I admit this fully!

14 comments:

  1. Ohhh, I have to blow this image up. What fun.

    Sorry about your family. I am glad that you won't go back to the same way they were treating you. It is said that we teach people how to treat us. Your mom and even your dad, their actions are uncalled for.

    But YOU stay strong and don't let them spoil your new family and that lovely turkey you started to prep. They have no power over you. YOU have power over you.

    I'm gonna go blow this image up and see if I can figure it out.

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    1. Thank you Whisk :) It is a good reminder to read "YOU have power over you" and really good to read "their actions are uncalled for" as I am so quick to blame myself. Thank you!

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    2. It's easy to blame ourselves in these situations but you are not to blame for their crappy actions.

      And again, fun game. Thanks for the shout out.

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  2. You really have me scratching my head. I wanna say cheesy or butter bread cubes or ... some sort of yummy sponge (cake) bites, or ... potato squares.

    You really got me stumped and I love it.

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    1. Ooooh you make me want sponge cake!!

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  3. Wait...chunks of cornbread for stuffing??? Sorry about your parents, but it is Baby Banana face's first Christmas...maybe just you and hubs and Baby will have a relaxing day. Hugs!

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    1. I sure hope tomorrow is relaxing :) Thanks e!

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  4. Cake? Croutons? I am clueless.
    I love that you are strong enough to recognise that you need a new normal with your family. Well done.
    And hugs.
    It is the afternoon of Christmas Eve here, and I am feeling a tad overwhelmed.
    What I want is Boxing Day. The fuss will be over and I can point people at the fridge if they are hungry. And with luck there will be a new book...
    Hugs.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks EC, I hope you find a wonderful new book under the tree! A new normal for me would be delightful! I wish it were as easy as unwrapping a gift :) Wishing you a blissful Boxing Day!

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  5. Croutons? Not sure at all! Don't let anyone bring you down, Hannah, enjoy your time, dear friend! Love and hugs.

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    1. Thanks Linda :) I called them croutons but indeed, they are not :)

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  6. I couldn't even begin to guess. Okay, maybe just a little one. Might it be some type of cake?? That's all I have :)

    Families often get into set patterns where everyone plays a role. Now you've shaken the foundation and everyone is unbalanced. But sometimes that has to be done because the foundation is not solid. It's hard to get used to a new 'normal' but eventually everyone will have to come around. Or not. Do what you need to do to be happy. You're not responsible for anyone else's behaviour.

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    Replies
    1. Your guess is off but your other comment is right on Martha! The hubs was just saying that my family has a foundation built on sand and it was only a matter of time before things got shook up. I hope the adjustment period isn't too drawn out, but I look forward to a more solid new normal.

      Thanks :)

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  7. I hope your Christmas is at the very least quiet. There is always so much excitement around "Baby's First Christmas" but I found the 2nd and 3rd were a lot more fun.

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Thank you for reading and commenting!

Be well, HBF