Thursday, December 17, 2015

Just Keep Trudgin'

Today was rough. Last night was rough. BB is sick again and very needy. I drove around over two hours this morning because he was sleeping in the car seat (catching up on the sleeping he didn't do last night!).

My mood was anxious nervous about caring for BB for the day and then okay and then crappy. My mom texted me. Ugh. Ignoring that pile of crap and moving on.

Tonight is the last night I take risperidone. One pill down and out and I'm glad. Still have lots of pills I'm popping, but getting one outta there is nice.

Not really looking forward to Christmas as it has become a showdown in my mind, a clash of wills between me and my mom/sister. Me having a good time doing my own thing is an act of rebellion and that is such a challenge for me. Anti-anxiety meds may play a big role in getting me through those days!

Dont have a picture at the moment, but Fio got a new hairdo and he looks hilarious-his tail poof and fro and poofy ears are all shaved off and he looks like a chunky like pig-dog. His head is so tiny looking compared to his belly! Not having walks and hikes has really taken a toll on his weight, really hard to hide on his frame!

Ornaments season is coming to a close and I feel like I barely participated. Even the little that I did was taxing and wore me out. I feel a shell of my former self. I understand the resentment women feel toward their babies now, feeling robbed of a self let alone a body and freedom.

I am tired. To bed I go, well after drinking water, brushing my teeth, fiddling with something, and fretting about tomorrow-ya know, going to bed ;)


6 comments:

  1. Sorry about the clash with your family. Hope you and your hubby can find a way to have a holiday that works for you two.

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  2. I feel for you.
    I am trying to work up the courage to opt out of the 'family Christmas' arranged by one of my brothers. I am not up to it physically or mentally - but still dread that call.
    Good luck.

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  3. Me having a good time doing my own thing is an act of rebellion

    I know this so well. You go, rebel, you can do it!

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  4. Family clashes are never pretty, dear Hannah, especially this time of year. Sending you a warm hug and much love. Love is the only thing that will thrive and get through these times and people.

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  5. I hope you and your hubby together with that little one create new traditions of your own that will put you on a happy path during the holidays!

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  6. Thanks everyone :) A happy path and rebellion sounds fabulous!

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Thank you for reading and commenting!

Be well, HBF