Monday, January 4, 2016

1st Monday of the New Year

I read a friend's summing up of her 2015 and it got me thinking about my year.

I've been feeling so shitty for so long I forgot about the wonderful months that kicked off 2015.

Being joyously albeit physically uncomfortably pregnant in January and most of February. The amazing birth of my son and the wonderful first few months that transformed us into a family and brought my husband and me closer than ever before. So many firsts and so many little, glorious moments when I felt like I was finally doing what I was meant to do, that I had done something so right it could justify a lifetime.

And then the sneaky slide in late spring that turned into a pained summer and a crashing rock bottom by August. Swathes of my memories are warped or erased from the fall, the winter bad still with the only relief in hiding away from the first family that had once seemed like my only support.

It was a confusing and painful year for the most part, but those first few months were amazing (I think a bit of that was due to hypomania, but still).

Here we go 2016. Here we go medication. Here we go, finding ME again.

7 comments:

  1. Hannah, I hope 2016 brings many good moments to you, just like those first few amazing months in 2015. Fingers and toes and eyeballs crossed!

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  2. Being able to remember those first magical months is a very, very big sign that you are healing. Slowly. Go you.
    Hugs.

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  3. Hannah, I hope that 2016 brings some joyous moments for you. Here is a suggestion: For each and every single day, write down something GOOD from that day! Keep it short and sweet. Tuck each paper into a jar or canister for this purpose. At the end of the year look at all the great things that happened to you in the year.

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  4. You are still in there...bit by bit you will reclaim yourself. I like Linda's ideal.

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  5. Hugs and I hope 2016 will be a bit easier for you. I like Linda's idea. I think I'll do that myself.

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  6. You are so fucking awesome. Do you know that? Well now you do.

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  7. Thank you all so much for your support and encouragement-and Birdie, you crack me up! Guess I can finally have my "Why yes, I am fucking awesome" shirt made up ;)

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Thank you for reading and commenting!

Be well, HBF