Had a beautiful snow shower this afternoon-nothing heavy, but pretty and light. It started out with very, very light flurries and as I laid down for an afternoon rest the flakes became big puffs that looked like goose down. I love the way the sky becomes so bright with the snow clouds during the day, glowing in that unique way.
Lying in bed I thought of two ladies. First, my friend Birdie as she prepares for surgery. I imagined every snowflake as a bit of luck for her. Second, I thought of my aunt and how this snow shower might be her last. It made me sad and yet I don't feel bad for taking care of myself and not going out of my way to connect with her. I am not well enough to be crusading after others... not that I should be pouring myself out to those that offer no refills!
In other news, my mood seems to be okay lately with less dark spots, but dark, dark spots. It's so easy for my mind to go to those bad spaces very fast. My better mood is quite often counterbalanced by exhaustion and I've been spending more time in bed in the afternoon. I also think my anxiety has been affecting my sleep so I've been tired to start out with, just the exhaustion in the afternoon descends upon me so quickly it's something special-a very abrupt, "nope, no more, that's all she's got!" and I must recline. I can't nap, but I lie down with my eyes closed.
I have been withdrawn a bit lately... I think I am still feeling the sting of rejection following the holidays and not having any Christmas with my family, well the traditional Christmas. I did see my dad and brother at a tennis facility. Ho ho ho.
I must try not to dwell on this, especially my mother and my sister, they pain me so, repeating thoughts only do more harm. Pink elephants! But I need to grieve I think... so difficult to let the sadness out. Grr.
Side note, the hubs and I listened to "The Martian" on audiobook and it was fabulous! I was laughing out loud and alternately clinging to his hand and we both agree that we enjoyed the book more than the movie. We had seen the movie first and thought it was fabulous but the book blew it out of the water.