Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Okay, That's Quite Enough Now...

Had ECT earlier today. The hubby dropped me off and my dad met me there and afterward we went out for lunch (we both have a thing for Port of Subs' #5 smoky cheddar, turkey, and ham sub and I have a thing for McMenamins' salted-caramel hazelnut tart and wouldn't ya know it right down the street from my condo we have both those restaurants so we were able to have exactly what we wanted for our main course and dessert! They served some killer coffee and just as I predicted, Dad really enjoyed the dessert as well-he has a thing for caramel and hazelnut.) Anyways, that's all fine and dandy, but my memory has been a bit troublesome this afternoon.

The doctors and nurses have been asking me if my memory has been giving me grief and I have been replying that it's a little rough right after treatment but I bounce back pretty quickly and it's not too bad overall. Well today, things were really rough afterward. I was more disoriented and struggled to recall memories more than ever before. Whether it was telling the recovery nurse what day it was or picking up what my dad was alluding to going on next weekend (BB's birthday) I was having a tough time. Even now, as I sit in my living room looking at BB's giant elephant stuffie I had a struggled to remember where the hell we got the thing (Ikea) and at lunch throughout our conversation I had a tough time recalling memories and stories that Dad brought up.

Basically, I'm getting more concerned and upset about my memory troubles and thinking that I'm getting to the point where I need to take a break from ECT. I'm not sure if I've quite got to the point where I've maxed out my benefit but I think I've got to the point where I need to lay off the zaps for a while. I can't remember exactly how many sessions I've had but I think I'm to the point where the docs have people take a break because they seem to getting concerned about my... noggin.

So that's going on and I'm also a little upset because I totally forgot that the hubster is in school online right now and I haven't asked how he's doing or offered any support, so I feel pretty shitty about myself as a wife at the moment.  I'm feeling better about myself as a mother since I've been playing and cuddling and changing Baby Bananaface more lately as my mood has improved with treatment (yay) and even as a pet-mom I've been more friendly as things have improved.

Oh, did I mention that I forgot to get the hubby a Valentine's Day card? More negative points in the wife category! Although we've been screwing around more so he's not totally getting the short stick lately....

Anyways. I'm feeling scared, disoriented, upset, and forgetful and although I want my mood to improve a little bit more I'm coming to accept that it's time to take a break soon.

In other news, I'm hoping to read more WEP stories soon and there is also something going on with one of my friends from inpatient; one of the guys texted me earlier letting me know that one of the girls is in another inpatient unit around our neck of the woods. I was already planning on contacting her to talk about DBT since I have an intake appointment for a DBT group next week and she's been through a DBT skills course but now I'm even more motivated to catch up with her and find out how she's doing.

So that's some of what's going on with me... and now I'm going to mix up some hummingbird sauce and get back to watching some "Brisco County Jr.". Kind of an obscure, short-lived TV show from the 90s but one of my favorites. As a little girl I had a crush on Bruce Campbell and he was also in this series called "Burn Notice" more recently that the hubby and I enjoyed watching together. He also did those... uh, what are they called... (memory struggles, give me a moment to Google) Evil Dead flicks. I'm not as into those because I'm not really into scary/creepy/ooky stuff but I understand that they are quite popular and have a cult following.

Anyways, off to do my hummingbird sauce! Hope that everyone is doing well, I can't remember if I've kept up with my blogging buddies' blogs lately or not but I'll certainly be trying to catch up when I get the time :) just know that you're on my mind even if I can't recall so!

14 comments:

  1. I'm glad to have some news about you, Hannah. Mostly positive it seems. I wish more of that for you!

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    1. Thanks Martha! I hope things keep on the upswing too!

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  2. So glad to hear that things are (slowly) improving.
    Hugs.

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    1. Thanks EC :) It's kind of "wow, amazing!" noticing things not feeling so crappy-I hope the improvements keep coming!

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  3. So happy to hear you had good time with dad, feeling better about playing with and caring for BB and hubs and that things are mostly positive. Hugs to all three of you1

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    1. Thanks e, I will keep looking for the positive :)

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  4. It is so nice that you are getting back more to yourself even though your memories are being impacted. You can always make your husband a belated valentines days card. I would be happy to get any of your creations!

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    1. Very true Birdie. Thankfully I think he's happy with the progress I've made and doesn't get too hung up on cards and candies and flowers and such. We seem pretty happy to b slowly making our way back to good instead of dwelling in crisis-mode all the time!

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  5. My prayers are for the memories to get sharper. Hey, did you know that Bruce Campbell also starred as Autolycus, the King of Thieves, in the first few seasons of XENA? Thank you for visiting my blog and WEP! :-)

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    1. I really enjoyed Googling that factoid about Xena and Bruce Campbell! Thank you Roland!

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  6. Good to read, hannah. Wishing you more of this. You will get better. Love

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  7. Good to read, hannah. Wishing you more of this. You will get better. Love

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  8. Hannah, thank God for great food and family! Some scary time, but down the track things will improve. And to think you wrote a WEP entry during this. Please take care. 🤗

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Thank you for reading and commenting!

Be well, HBF