This post is part of my first year doing the A to Z Challenge and I happen to be writing under the theme Gratitude: The Things That Keep Me Alive. This is a relevant theme for me as I am struggling with postpartum depression, and also have diagnosed anxiety and bipolar II (just to let you know what's going on with me-it might be pertinent as you read the post below). Thank you for stopping by and reading my post!
F is for F-bombs because, *sigh*, I sure love dropping a F-bomb every now and again (okay, probably WAY more often than I'd admit but, hey, I'm a work in progress). It's like one-second therapy or an anti-anxiety pill that works in a snap, it's just so fuckin' nice to just say fuck sometimes.
It's even a little more complex than I initially thought; as I was writing this post I realized that fuckin' things (verbally that is) is therapeutic for me because it helps externalize things and validate my feelings instead of me blaming myself or muting my complaints, biting my tongue, or basically telling myself I'm not worthwhile enough to have a valid complaint or feeling.
I have a tendency to hold things in because I have low self esteem/family culture/however you wanna explain it and don't consider my feelings valid or worthwhile. Maybe it's juvenile, but "fuck" helps me work towards validating my feelings and honoring myself and my experience, and that's fuckin' important! I hope that someday I will be able to use "big girl" words to describe my experience, but at the moment, just saying fuck and acknowledging a feeling is there is a step in a good direction.
My husband has made it clear that I need to work on my potty mouth now that we have a son and I'm trying to frick instead of fuck but it's damn hard. Shit. Well, obviously I have a ways to go as far as cursing goes, but I may very well always love my F-bombs :o)