This post is part of my first year doing the A to Z Challenge and I happen to be writing under the theme Gratitude: The Things That Keep Me Alive. This is a relevant theme for me as I am struggling with postpartum depression, and also have diagnosed anxiety and bipolar II (just to let you know what's going on with me-it might be pertinent as you read the post below). Thank you for stopping by and reading my post!
K is for kismet because I am grateful for a few things that have fallen into place in seemingly perfect alignment for me (I know that seems like an odd statement when you look at the challenges I've faced lately but I'll explain in a moment).
Before I go any further, I must specify what I mean by the word kismet, since I use it in my day-to-day language in my own particular way that may be a less common usage.
A dictionary definition might be, "a power believed to control what happens in the future; fate; your lot in life; destiny." My personal definition is quite similar but I don't really believe in fate or destiny or some type of god or force guiding everything along. I believe in things just falling into place as they happen to based on the confluence of many combined factors that are usually beyond my comprehension. When I say kismet I'm referring to dumb luck, not an orchestrated event. It sounds spiritual, feels spiritual, but when I say it it's coming from an atheist's mouth with a different kind of faith behind it than the usual type. I hope that makes sense for folks, it's kinda confusing even for me!
So what has fallen into place so well for me as I face a variety of scary diagnoses and fight for my life and struggle to contribute to a happy, healthy life for my family?
First off, my husband. He's such a calm and unflappable type suited to being the partner of an emotionally unstable type like me-it's amazing how we found each other and have been so happy together despite my health challenges.
Second, my son. Sure he cries like any kiddo does but he is generally a calm, happy child that is very happy and sociable and joyous and that is such a blessing. We didn't know that severe postpartum depression would crash down on me after three months of mothering, but it sure tore me apart and having a child like Baby Bananaface helped make the struggle a little less of a nightmare.
Third, my care providers. Being a part of the Swedish system and finding such a wonderful inpatient facility with such wonderful nurses and staff was so helpful and is reassuring as I know that if I ever find myself in that type of crisis again, I have a safe and welcoming place to go. My doctors and therapists are also wonderful finds and have been a huge part of the progress I've made towards wellness and I'm so grateful that I happen to have come into their care. Even as I think back over the years to a few specific providers (not quite all I've encountered over the past decade or so) I was quite lucky to have happened into their care and they have positively impacted my life in very specific, very wonderful ways. Did you know part of the reason I love birds so much is due to my first ever therapist? It's part of why they encourage and calm me so much!
Fourth, my blogging circle. I don't know how they all found me, but some very wonderful people have embraced me in the blogosphere and it is a delightful chance happening that I am so grateful for! I think it was Birdie who first commented on my blog and showed me that she read regularly (it blew my socks off, I hardly knew what to do!) and then more ladies showed up (mind blown). The fact that I found caring, considerate, creative bloggers that share about their own challenges in life and try to maintain positive points of views as they work through things... that's quite the lucky break, I say. I love you all. Thank you!
Kismet is a weird word to some a complicated concept, but for my English major/symbolism minded mind it sure helps me frame my world and make sense of life and find things to be grateful for. Sure, not everything "kismet" is positive (I happen to have been saddled with some
shitty challenging mental health issues) but even then, recognizing that things fall into place in a way that is usually beyond our control-helps the rough stuff go down a little smoother.
Whatever your kismet is, happy trails and good luck ;o) Be well!