This post is part of my first year doing the A to Z Challenge and I happen to be writing under the theme Gratitude: The Things That Keep Me Alive. This is a relevant theme for me as I am struggling with postpartum depression, and also have diagnosed anxiety and bipolar II (just to let you know what's going on with me-it might be pertinent as you read the post below). Thank you for stopping by and reading my post!
R is for relinquishing control because it's a big part of why I'm still here and I think it's going to be a big part of learning to thrive and survive long term.
When I started getting really sick postpartum I hid my symptoms, I denied how bad things were, I tried to control the picture everyone saw by burying myself in mothering. I controlled how much people knew by keeping the scary thoughts of hurting Baby Bananaface to myself and hiding my scratched up arms or not telling the hubs how frequently I imagined killing myself.
Eventually I had to relinquish a lot of control when I was hospitalized. I was no longer primary caregiver for my child. I no longer knew everything that happened during his days. My own days were planned and catered by strangers, even the hours I could see my husband and child strictly regulated. I even relinquish control of my body by taking medications prescribed to me for my mental and thyroid disorders. In DBT class I'm learning to relinquish control over things that I cannot control to reduce my stress and improve my quality of life and hopefully improve my quantity of happiness.
As I go forward in life I hope that I can be a calmer and happier person by relinquishing control over things that I can't possibly control and by relinquishing worry and stress that I need not retain. ;o)
How do you feel about relinquishing control? Is it difficult for you? Does it contribute to happiness or hardship? What examples can you think of? personal stories?