Thursday, April 21, 2016

R is for Relinquishing Control #atozchallenge

This post is part of my first year doing the A to Z Challenge and I happen to be writing under the theme Gratitude: The Things That Keep Me Alive. This is a relevant theme for me as I am struggling with postpartum depression, and also have diagnosed anxiety and bipolar II (just to let you know what's going on with me-it might be pertinent as you read the post below). Thank you for stopping by and reading my post!


R is for relinquishing control because it's a big part of why I'm still here and I think it's going to be a big part of learning to thrive and survive long term.

When I started getting really sick postpartum I hid my symptoms, I denied how bad things were, I tried to control the picture everyone saw by burying myself in mothering. I controlled how much people knew by keeping the scary thoughts of hurting Baby Bananaface to myself and hiding my scratched up arms or not telling the hubs how frequently I imagined killing myself. 

Eventually I had to relinquish a lot of control when I was hospitalized. I was no longer primary caregiver for my child. I no longer knew everything that happened during his days. My own days were planned and catered by strangers, even the hours I could see my husband and child strictly regulated. I even relinquish control of my body by taking medications prescribed to me for my mental and thyroid disorders. In DBT class I'm learning to relinquish control over things that I cannot control to reduce my stress and improve my quality of life and hopefully improve my quantity of happiness. 

As I go forward in life I hope that I can be a calmer and happier person by relinquishing control over things that I can't possibly control and by relinquishing worry and stress that I need not retain. ;o)

How do you feel about relinquishing control? Is it difficult for you? Does it contribute to happiness or hardship? What examples can you think of? personal stories?

5 comments:

  1. I recently went abroad for a week and was trying to micro manage everything until a friend told me to stuff it. I let go. And the family managed fine without me. I guess its like diving into a lake. At first the water is cold but then you get used to it and swim away!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What a lovely simile! Jumping into a lake.... I like it :o)

      Delete
  2. Great choice, Hannah. Relinquishing control is not an easy thing to do and it certainly can be difficult for me. But I do understand when I have to do it and eventually come to peace with that. I had postpartum depression, too, and I can totally relate to that. I also hid my symptoms for awhile until I just couldn't anymore. When I finally did relinquish control it was actually a relief!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Martha :o) I think I'm still trying to relinquish control and accept things as they are, maybe when I can be kinder to myself I'll feel the relief-I sure hope so!

      Delete
    2. Yes, be kinder to yourself. For sure. I know you can do it, that I believe 100 percent.

      Delete

Thank you for reading and commenting!

Be well, HBF