Today I had an appointment with my therapist and with my psychiatrist. Turned out to be a very good thing that my appointment with the therapist came first. I started things rolling by bursting into tears and admitting that I was thinking up a list of people to write farewell letters to for when I killed myself if my medications didn't get resolved.
The session turned into a sort of prep-talk for my psychiatrist appointment and owning that this medication isn't working for me and that it's not my fault, I'm not a failure I just need a different medication. It helped me a lot to sort things out and sort of prepare to speak up for myself because I ended up speaking up a lot more than usual at my appointment and we're tapering off this damned Latuda and hopefully the jitters/akathisia will go away in short order.
We haven't decided to start another medication just yet because my psychiatrist wants to talk with my ECT doctor about using ECT as a maintenance treatment instead of relying on medications-so we'll see how that sorts out.
The hubster was quite proud of me for speaking up in the appointment and we enjoyed a lunch out together before he went back to work and I drove myself home. It was a lot of driving for me today-most I've done in a while-but I managed all right and I'm home safe now.
Next week I should be tapered off the Latuda and hopefully not experiencing such misery (I've been pretty miserable lately with the jitters and trying to cope with them) and we'll see what the rest of the plan is...
Gotta try to focus on one thing at a time.
Deep breath in and deep breath out.
One thing at a time!