Thursday, July 7, 2016

I can't decide...

I have noticed a lack of pictures on my phone as far as Baby Bananaface is concerned and so tonight I took the opportunity to snap some photos while he was looking particularly relaxed and cute. Unfortunately, I cannot decide which photo I like best... Perhaps y'all can help me decide? They are each just a little different but all have smiles and Bubba chillaxing in his diaper with his afternoon milk and binky :o)

Vote for your favorite in the comments!


#1

#2

#3


I also cannot decide exactly what I'm so anxious about this afternoon/evening, but unfortunately I am anxious. I think it has something to do with the plans I have with my mom and sister tomorrow to go to a festival that we used to go to with my Aunt Sally. Having a pending activity/plans that violate my routine gets me anxious and I think the memories stirred up around Aunt Sally and my continued grieving is also mixed up into the mess of emotions.

I've been able to cope pretty well without meds so far, a little bit of an angry outburst and some discomfort but overall I've been using my DBT skills and taking care of myself pretty well, but boy howdy, these geysers of emotion erupt from time to time and give me little frights! It's usually a geyser of fear or anxiety but sometimes it's just extreme sadness or sensitivity and the sensation stops me in my steps, takes my breath away, and gives me a healthy dose of fear and doubt about whether or not I can handle the emotion or potential panic attack. Thankfully telling myself that these are feelings or thoughts and that they will pass has helped and I haven't succumbed to any panic attacks or losing myself in grief or other intense emotions today, but it's uncomfortable and draining.

Anyways. That's part of what's going on with me while I cope with these symptoms tonight. Been having a lot of days and nights like this lately and thought I'd give you a little glimpse!

In other news, we had a cloudy, rainy day here in the Pacific Northwest and it was lovely. I got to sip some coffee, watch the clouds, and read out on the porch and even enjoyed walking through some rain showers. A lot of people have been excited about the hot weather we've had this spring and early summer so far but I have savored this cooler bout much more than any of those record breaking heat wave days.



Hoping all you blogging buddies are well and sending affection and happiness. Thanks for reading and commenting. I really appreciate this internet community and refuge, especially on these challenging days :o)

21 comments:

  1. He is SUCH a cutie. I like photo 2 best - but they are all gorgeous.
    Routine shifts, and grief together would make me anxious too. I am so impressed that you are riding out the bad patches. Not easy, and such a short while ago it would have been nearly impossible.
    Hugs and high tens (at least).

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    1. Thanks EC :o) especially for pointing out how far I've come! I feel down on myself for not being "better" and I so easily forget where I've come from. Hugs!

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  2. All are cute but#2 is the one I like most. Thank you for all of your honesty, it isn't easy managing but you are doing a good job, I love your spirit and determination. Hugs!

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    1. Thanke :o) I'm trying and I should really give myself more credit for that! Hugs!

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  3. I also like #2 the best, Hannah! Lots of warm hugs and much love to you, dear friend. :)

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    1. Wow, #2 sure is popular! Thank you for the hugs and love, I sure do appreciate it! <3

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  4. I need routine. The last few weeks it has been turned upside down and it is causing me anxiety. In my life anxiety leads to an eventual depressive episode so I really need to watch and be aware.
    #2 He is doing baby yoga poses of his own making.

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    1. I wrote off routine for many years but now I realize how I drift toward it and make routines out of every little thing, it's a big part of life! I hope you are able to avoid a depressive episode <3

      Thanks for voting, #2 seems to be the big winner!

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  5. They are all adorable, so it's hard to choose! But I'm going to pick #2. There's just something ultra cute about it.

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    1. Haha "ultra cute" makes me smile! Thanks Martha :o)

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  6. Okay...I have to vote...it is hard to pick just one. I will go for #3. Behind the pacifier is a sweet baby smile.

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    1. That's my favorite too! Thanks for voting :o)

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  7. Love the face on two but the overall, on three.

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  8. My vote is for pic 2! I can almost hear the giggles and it's so friggin' adorable!

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  9. You can't go wrong with any of those pictures, but I think I'll vote for number three.

    Good luck with continuing to handle those powerful emotions when they well up.

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    1. Thank you, today I was still getting splashed by those powerful emotions but it was a little easier calming myself down once I recognized and acknowledged them-just really intense!

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  10. Just checking to see how you are today...Hugs!

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  11. Came back to see what you ended up going with?

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    1. Went with #3 despite the popularity of #2

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Thank you for reading and commenting!

Be well, HBF