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I also cannot decide exactly what I'm so anxious about this afternoon/evening, but unfortunately I am anxious. I think it has something to do with the plans I have with my mom and sister tomorrow to go to a festival that we used to go to with my Aunt Sally. Having a pending activity/plans that violate my routine gets me anxious and I think the memories stirred up around Aunt Sally and my continued grieving is also mixed up into the mess of emotions.
I've been able to cope pretty well without meds so far, a little bit of an angry outburst and some discomfort but overall I've been using my DBT skills and taking care of myself pretty well, but boy howdy, these geysers of emotion erupt from time to time and give me little frights! It's usually a geyser of fear or anxiety but sometimes it's just extreme sadness or sensitivity and the sensation stops me in my steps, takes my breath away, and gives me a healthy dose of fear and doubt about whether or not I can handle the emotion or potential panic attack. Thankfully telling myself that these are feelings or thoughts and that they will pass has helped and I haven't succumbed to any panic attacks or losing myself in grief or other intense emotions today, but it's uncomfortable and draining.
Anyways. That's part of what's going on with me while I cope with these symptoms tonight. Been having a lot of days and nights like this lately and thought I'd give you a little glimpse!
In other news, we had a cloudy, rainy day here in the Pacific Northwest and it was lovely. I got to sip some coffee, watch the clouds, and read out on the porch and even enjoyed walking through some rain showers. A lot of people have been excited about the hot weather we've had this spring and early summer so far but I have savored this cooler bout much more than any of those record breaking heat wave days.
Hoping all you blogging buddies are well and sending affection and happiness. Thanks for reading and commenting. I really appreciate this internet community and refuge, especially on these challenging days :o)