Tuesday, August 30, 2016

A Busy Day

Today I had appointments for TMS and meeting with my psychiatrist, the first of which was at 8:00 AM! Lemme tell you, driving into Seattle for an 8:00 AM appointment is something special, but I made it right on time and had a good treatment session.

I had some time to kill between appointments and enjoyed myself at a local mall even though I accidentally consumed a caffeinated coffee beverage (sometimes I just forget to mention the decaf part when I order!) and set myself up for some exaggerated anxiety in the afternoon. I was a little late to my psychiatrist appointment because I didn't leave soon enough to compensate for traffic but overall the appointment went well and I enjoyed seeing my doctor.

We've decided to give another new mood stabilizer a try although it all depends on my insurance giving approval. I'm a little nervous and afraid of experiencing the jittery symptoms again since this is another atypical and I've tended to have that reaction in the past but I'm willing to try and see and hope for the best.

I've been having challenging days but not terrible days and I'm grateful for the little perks and positive moments throughout. The anxiety has definitely been plaguing me but the DBT skills certainly help and I've been trying to keep busy and keep fighting back.

*sigh*

Feeling fearful anticipating the new medication and potential reactions and considering how I haven't been feeling super great and already wore down by anxiety but I'm also aware that I've been feeling a bit better and am holding on to at least a little bit of hope that I'll find a medication that helps me in some way... all I can do is keep slugging along taking things one day at a time! So many people tell me things will get better and I have a hard time believing it but I believe it enough to keep juggling all these treatments and therapies and coping skills and yadda yadda yadda! Ugh! I want to be confident in my wellbeing!



Also, I heard that Gene Wilder passed. I was sad to hear this but hope he's at peace. The remembrances on the radio have brought bittersweet tears to my eyes multiple times. He was a good soul in my book.

14 comments:

  1. I love that the pieces of hope are staying within your grasp. Proof positive that you ARE getting better, little by little. It really isn't very long since you couldn't see those fragments shining in the dark.
    Hugs. Always.

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    1. Thank you EC, I really appreciate those reminders! I'm headed in the right direction <3 Hugs :o)

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  2. Dearest Hannah, I think that finding a medication that will help you entails the risks of trying different things with your doctor's guidance and the possibility of any bad side effects. However, that having been said, I think you are doing well by remaining positive and willing to try even though there may be risks. So I think you are brave. Keep on keeping on, it sounds as if you are growing! Love and hugs to you!

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    1. Love and hugs right back Linda! Thank you for the encouragement, it is much better to think of myself as being brave than being afraid :o)

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  3. I can't do caffeine anymore. Or alcohol. All my friends go on and on about wine and I just don't get it. It gives me hot flashes and I feel like shit the next day.

    Gene Wilder was a good soul.

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    1. I have reduced my alcohol consumption to sips/tastes of what the hub's is drinking although I could still enjoy a beer or glass of wine on my own, just not sure it's a good idea for me right now. I like the tastes but not need to give yerself hot flashes or make you feel bad the next day! No way!

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  4. Yes...Gene Wilder was a funny man...and he looked like he was a kind man. I guess now he and Robin Williams are keeping each other in stitches! :)

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    1. Gene Wilder's passing made me think of Robin Williams too! That would be a funny, good time hanging out with the likes of them. So glad they had the careers they did and touched so many lives <3

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  5. I hope it all works out well for you, Hannah, and that you have more good moments. GREAT moments.

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    1. Yes! Me too Martha, thank you :o)

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  6. Hi Hannah, someone said to me recently that I should not underestimate the power of just being willing to keep on keeping on. Somehow, that was a comfort to me, because some days it feels as if all i can do is keep on keeping on and let everything be as imperfect as it is, as i put one foot in front of the other and take one breath after the other and try to do the next right thing. i offer it to you in case it is a comfort to you too. if it's not, blow it away with a breath of love. sending love to you, friend.

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    1. Oh thank you, that is a wonderful sentiment that I definitely appreciate. I've been hearing from many of my doctors and therapists that I'm such a hard worker and that's a very important thing and something to appreciate and I'm trying to embrace that while accepting the imperfection of being in transition to a better place... So much going on all at once. *sigh* Sending love straight back to you, bless our willingness and acceptance and may we have better luck around the next bend in our roads!

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  7. Glad you're feeling better.

    Made me said that Mr. Wonka passed, when I heard about it.

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    1. Thanks Whisk.

      I so loved that movie and his performances, glad to remember him well :o)

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Thank you for reading and commenting!

Be well, HBF