Saturday, September 17, 2016

Weekend Update

Tomorrow we have plans to meet my family for a hike to scatter my uncle's ashes on Mt. Rainier. I know it's a bit morbid, but I've been looking forward to this event all week as a chance to get out and do something with my family that we don't normally do-and I tend to enjoy hikes!

Yesterday I did a volunteer shift at the blood bank and met a lovely lady that was also volunteering there. It certainly made the time go by faster chatting with her between helping donors and doing little chores. I hope I get to work another shift with her in the future.

Today I was able to hit the morning gym class and even managed to take Baby Bananaface with me and to the gym childcare totally solo! I get freaked out whenever the hubster recommends a little solo parenting action but I've been coping pretty well lately and it feels really good when I succeed so I'm gonna keep trying more and more while not overwhelming myself.

It's been an up and down day today and definitely have had some anxiety issues but only a few moments when I felt really crappy or upset. My skills have been working for me although dealing with anxiety for so long is frustrating and exhausting.

It's hard to explain what it's like to be on the "not great" spectrum near constantly, where feeling only a little bad seems like a pretty good deal and mild suffering is a normal thing. Then sometimes I just get pissed off and sick of feeling crappy and still other times I'm at that extreme of pain and suffering. It's so rare to feel really "good" or "fine;" the positive or neutral feelings seem strange and alien at times... I just have to remember that I'll have more of the better days as I get better overall. I have had stretches of happy weeks in my life and I can again!

Snapped a little at the hubby today (a rarity!). He seems to forget sometimes that my anxiety can be up for hours on end and I have to actively cope nearly all day and it can be very stressful and tiring. Sometimes he even asks why I just can't think of something else! *sigh* If only. I told him he just had to suck it up and deal with whatever deep breathing I needed to do to get through my anxiety and that was that. He said he appreciated my assertiveness and gave me a charming smile *blush* I felt like I was blowing up on him and he just took it like a tropical breeze! Oh, I sure love him.

Enjoyed sitting on the balcony watching and listening to the downpour this afternoon-even got to edit/revamp one of the hubby's essays which was really fun for me. So overall, a decent day, even bordering on good!

Wishing everyone wonderful weekends-thanks for checking in :o)



OH! Late breaking news, the insurance got sorted out for my new medication so I get to pick that up on Monday. Definitely nervous and afraid of side effects but hoping that it turns out to be a perfect match and helps me out somehow. I've never had anything but my anti-anxiety pills really help when it comes to my mood but it seems like it would be a wonderful asset!


9 comments:

  1. I am so inspired by the journey you are sharing.
    Hugs.

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    1. That comment didn't come out right. I hate that you suffer, but love hearing your steps forward. And there have been a LOT of them. Some backward steps, some marking time, but a lot of forward movement.

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    2. Thank you EC, I know what you mean! Hugs. :o)

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  2. You are moving forward, even with "bad" days. This is wonderful and it is even more so that you are candid about your life. You continue to amaze.

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    1. Thank you e, sometimes I feel like I overshare and it really helps getting feedback like this-and it helps typing things out! I will keep trying <3

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  3. You have an incredible spirit, Hannah. You walk a tough road and yet you keep on going. You're quite an inspiration. Enjoy the day with your family!

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    1. Thanks Martha! I am trying and I did have a good day with my family, thank you :o)

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  4. This is a wonderful thing to do, dear Hannah, and to share it with loved ones. And the walk will do you good! Sending you many hugs and much love!

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Thank you for reading and commenting!

Be well, HBF