Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Words for Wednesday

It's "Words for Wednesday" again and although I'm not thrilled with what I was able to come up with it was something of an outlet to help me process some misplaced feelings of guilt and shame about my disease and the inconvenience and pain it can cause for those close to me... namely the hubby. I think regular readers of my blog will be able to follow along quite easily but I know that my poetry ain't always sensical so please read with a grain of salt.



This weeks prompts are:

prank
arms
regret
light
hostility
crime


and/or

astronaut
wolf
prophesy
guillotine
bootlegger
adorable

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If only this were all a prank
Cruel but with a tidy beginning and defined end
Then I could retreat into your arms and recover 
Confident that I was safe
Safe in the light of sanity
Away from the hostility of my mind 
But my illness only recedes to return again
Like a tide without rhythm
Teasing and taunting
I corral what waves I can and ride out the rest
Trying to contain the misery
When I can't it feels like a crime
I regret the pain I've shared 
I know that it wasn't my intent
It wasn't my fault
It was the disease that I host
The disease that I fight
That ugly part in me which is so near yet so far from who I am
But who I am continues to fight
Who I am continues to love
Who I am endures


-----


Ugh! Poetry is not my thing. I'm not sure why I went this route but it was the only bit of inspiration that I had to work with relating to those words, so here we are.  Tried to come up with a title but it wasn't happening.

I wrote something and that's good enough! I'm letting it go!


In other news, I'm doing all right today. Had a good, challenging gym class this morning and despite having my routine be off with the TMS taper in gear I think I'm doing a good job of surfing the anxiety waves and ookey feelings and trying to keep a good attitude about it all. *knock on wood*

The hubster is back at work and helping out with Baby Bananaface again although he's not quite 100% yet. I woke up with a little scratchy throat and am nervous that I'm next, but we shall see! I usually avoid coming down with these things and it's only the boys so hopefully I get another pass.


Still nervous and wary about feeling better. Afraid of relapses or anxiety spikes or panic attacks, but trying to reassure myself that I can handle it and continue to press forward. I even attended an information session about phlebotomy training at the community college (had some tears and fears and anxiety but I survived) and am planning on taking some courses and steps along that path... Little overwhelming now, but I think I can build up to it and get through the scared feelings to a better place in time.

Baby steps are still steps! *fist pump*


9 comments:

  1. Fist pump...you go! You are doing well though I think I understand the frustration of it being a day-to-day proposition...the same is often true for those of us with physical challenges and that has been a hard pill for me to swallow...Your writing is fine...I'm curious about the courses and what draws you to phlebotomy?

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    1. Thanks e :o) It is a hard pill to swallow, but I'm working on that among so many other things!

      The courses are medical terminology and an anatomy & physiology which are the prerequisites for the phlebotomy training courses. I think the hubby actually mentioned the courses to me one day and the next time I was at the lab getting my blood drawn for my thyroid I thought to myself, "Hey, I could do this job. I could enjoy this job! Maybe I should check this out?" and so things have developed from there.

      As much as I've loved being a doula and helping women in labor, the odd hours just aren't conducive with my health needs and I think finding a consistent, routine job where I get to meet and have little chats with folks is a better long-term plan. We shall see!

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    2. Good for you! I hope all works out. Hugs!

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  2. Hannah, I have a recipe for the scratchy throat. Take a piece of fresh ginger, about an inch, peel it, then grate it on the tiniest part of the grater over a small bowl. Then take the ginger pulp, put it on a small strainer that is made to fit over a cup, press the pulp with your thumb so that you get the fresh ginger juice into the cup. Then take a small spoon of honey and mix it well with the juice of the ginger. You can, if you wish, add a small amount of juice from a fresh lemon, but it isn't necessary. Once you have mixed the ginger juice with the honey, take it right on the spoon, like you would cough syrup, and ingest it slowly from the spoon. This is natural cough syrup, and the ginger and honey contain natural antibiotic properties. It works like a charm for me, hope it helps you, too. If nothing else, it may even curb the cold completely before it starts, and if not, it will help to lessen the amount of time that the cold affects you if you do this once or twice a day.

    And I am very proud of you, dear friend, for your progress. Love and hugs to you. :)

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    1. Thank you Linda :o) Love and hugs-and thanks for the recipe!

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  3. Your baby steps are HUGE. So much bigger than you realise.
    Loved this take on the prompts, and your poem.
    Go you.
    And hugs. Always.

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    1. Hugs. Thank you! I always appreciate the encouragement to write :o)

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  4. Your work with WFW was awe-inspiring.

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Thank you for reading and commenting!

Be well, HBF