Friday, December 30, 2016

Reflection

I've been concentrating a lot on focusing my attention on the now and participating fully in the moment to help maintain my mood and well-being through the tumultuous holiday rush, but as New Year's nears I find myself looking back...

It's been quite a year. 2016 wasn't an easy one, that's for sure!

**I've plugged in some random photo highlights that may or may not correlate to my text, but I hope you enjoy them!


Thinking back to last January, I was in the hospital. According to my blog I went to my aunt's memorial, but I can't remember because of all the ECT treatments. For a good chunk of time I was doing so much ECT that I wasn't allowed to drive.


For a big part of the year I wasn't able to be alone with Baby Bananaface. It was too overwhelming or didn't feel safe.

For a while the hubster confiscated my tweezers because I was having a hard time controlling my urges to self harm.

In the spring I tried to kill myself.


Another chunk of my year was dedicated to TMS treatments multiple times a week. Throughout it all I've been on and off more drugs than I can name trying to find a mood stabilizer that'll work for me. To top it off I had those seizures and got diagnosed with a seizure disorder and got a prescription goin' for that...


There's been a lot between those headliners, including countless tears and hugs and kisses and fears shared between me and the hubster. Nights and days where I didn't feel safe. When I wasn't sure if I'd make it to the next day. When I didn't believe that I could ever find happiness or stability again.

Thankfully, things are changing. I have come far enough now that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have hope again. I'm still working on the confidence part but my faith is certainly growing and despite the hiccups along the way I haven't given up.

So much has changed... I've come so far this year.

I'm driving again-even taking BB to and from daycare. I'm making meals and able to safely use my tweezers. I'm socializing and going to the gym nearly everyday. I'm even thinking about finding part-time work soon.


I've felt like a failure. I've felt broken. I've felt hopeless. More and more I'm feeling hopeful. I'm feeling strong. I'm feeling proud. I am surviving.

I'm glad to put this year behind me and I hope to have more positive memories to stir up this time next year :o)

Don't really remember doing resolutions much but I think I will be concentrating on keeping up with maintaining my health and moving forward.


I wish everyone a wonderful 2017 and thank you all for sharing 2016 with me.

Lastly, let's hear a big cheer for baby steps! Hoorah!


18 comments:

  1. Baby steps, leaps of faith and hard work and determination. Hats off and hugs to you. Happy New Year, dear Hannah!

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    1. Thank you e! Hugs and Happy New Year to you too!

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  2. It sounds like you've had a really tough year that's ending much better than it started. Happy New Year to you and your family.

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    1. Exactly. Thanks Joe :o) Happy New Year!

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  3. From here, if I had to use one word to describe your year it would be .... progress.

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    1. Even with the bumps and lumps along the way, progress, baby. Progress.

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    2. That's a great word pick :o) Thanks Ivy! Happy New Year!

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  4. Your baby steps have been getting bigger and bigger. Hannah the Giant killer.
    Hugs and hope flowing your way.

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    1. Thanks Sue :o) Hugs and hope is such a good combo! Right back at ya-Happy New Year too

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  5. Baby steps, Hannah, and you have been taking many! So I see your monstrous progress! Love your photos, thanks for sharing the smiles. Love and hugs to you and your family. Happy New Year, dear friend! :)

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    1. Thank you Linda! Love and hugs friend :o)

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  6. You have had one heck of a year, Hannah! Certainly challenging. And there has been so much progress. We are all proud of you!

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    1. Thank you Martha! It means so much having this community here through the good and bad :o) Hapoy New Year!

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  7. The important thing is that you triumphed! May 2017 be a fabulous year for you and your family! (PS, love those bunny ears, lol)

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    1. Thank you! And so true :o) I hope 2017 is a great year for us all!

      I love that bunny ears picture too :o)

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  8. Like Happy Whisk said, its progress.
    Happy New Year.

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  9. Thank you and Happy New Year to you too!

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Thank you for reading and commenting!

Be well, HBF