Saturday, January 21, 2017

One Year

One year ago today, I was in the hospital. My aunt was also in the hospital.

On this day she died after a short, nasty fight with cancer.

As much as today marks a sad event for my family, it's also a day of deep gratitude as we reflect on how far we've come. My aunt is no longer with us, but I am still here and doing a lot, a lot, a lot better. She would've liked to hear that :o)

I didn't see my aunt while she was sick, or for many months before that. Years ago I started tapering off seeing her because it was too upsetting for me. She was a big smoker and somewhere deep inside I just knew she would get sick and leave us too soon. I couldn't stand it.

It's sad, but I don't really regret my decision. I couldn't handle the sadness and the stress of watching her kill herself. I did what I had to do at the time. While I probably would've gone to see her in the end if I hadn't been in the hospital myself, I'm glad that I didn't see her like that. Instead, I can remember the Aunt Sally that meant so much to me in a happier light.


So I raise my coffee cup to my aunt as well as to myself on this anniversary of sorts. I'm glad to have shared so many wonderful years with her and glad to feel once again like I have many wonderful years ahead of me.

Love. Love. Love.

<3

28 comments:

  1. That is an honest tribute and appraisal. I watched my mother slowly kill herself with booze and cigarettes and it took years. When she was diagnosed with lung cancer and died, I wasn't surprised but like you, saddened. As for you, you do indeed have years ahead and I hope that they will be happy. You have done an incredible job in the last year to improve your life and re-claim your family.

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    1. Thanks e, it's been quite a fight!

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  2. I'm glad you are still here and doing so well too, but I'm sorry to hear about your Aunt. I had an Aunt that was a heavy smoker and died of cancer.

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    1. Thanks Joe. It's tough but in a way I'm glad I don't have to watch her killing herself slowly anymore. That was so sad and stressful.

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  3. A lovely way to mark this anniversary by remembering the good days with your aunt and looking forward to you life ahead.

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  4. This is a wonderful post to read. Acknowledging the dark times - and looking forward.

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  5. You have worked so hard to get to where you are today. And, yes. Your aunt would be so proud of you! I know I am. xo

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  6. You've come such a long way, Hannah! And worked so hard to get here. I'm so happy for you!

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    1. Thanks Martha! I sure am glad to be where I am now compared to last year!

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  7. You have definitely come a very long way, dear Hannah! I am proud of you!

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  8. Raising my cup to you on this anniversary, too, my friend. Onward. xo

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  9. It was this time of year that a friend of mine and I were in hospital for a breast biopsy. Mine was benign hers was malignant. In only a few months she was gone. I feel survivors guilt every time I think about it.

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    1. Oh Annie, that sounds awful. I'm glad you're here and I hope she was spared some pain and suffering in the end.

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  10. *raises coffee cup* Clink! I suspect your Aunt would smile at your sweet toast...and be thrilled over how well you are doing.

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  11. Congrats to your year. Here's to many more ahead of you.

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  12. I wish you the best year in 2017! Be well. Be happy. Enjoy life!

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    1. Thank you Denise! To you as well :o)

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Thank you for reading and commenting!

Be well, HBF