Sunday, March 5, 2017

Checking In

I'm feeling much better and totally recovered from my jungle fever. That night was awful and the next day I couldn't walk much without getting faint until that afternoon. Even into the evening I couldn't stand around for very long without having to sit down. I decided to skip my gym classes again the following day to give myself enough time to really bounce back. I was back at it on Thursday though!

RANDOM BB PICHe insisted on wearing his galoshes.
Certainly developing his own style!

There was an interesting moment with my mom (it was Friday I think). When we had visited for Baby Bananaface's birthday she had seemed agitated during our grocery/coffee run. I was pretty sure it wasn't something that me and mine had done. I still wanted to make sure and give her an opportunity to vent even if it was something else.

Well, when I asked she kept changing the subject. I kept asking. Even to the point when we were walking back into the house! "Is something bothering you or not? You keep changing the subject and avoid giving me an answer. What's going on? Do you just not want to talk about it? Just say so and I'll stop asking." She then admitted that she had been changing the subject and didn't want to talk about it-a big moment considering how emotionally accessible is!

So, the story continued a couple days ago.... She called me while she was on base getting her lab work done and picking up her meds (she takes injections for rheumatoid arthritis). Then she brought up the agitation! Something about how all of them being sick (my nephew, my sister, Mom, and Dad all at once) and how she was worn out.

She mentioned something about how she thinks my sister is realizing how agitated she really is lately. She also opened up about how she is not only exhausted, she misses having her own life. "Sure, he's my grandson and I love him and I want to take care of him. I just want some of my old life back. I don't like how I'm the one he comes running to whenever he needs something!"

It was sad and yet also felt amazing. I've decided to change the way I live with being open and genuine whether or not people reciprocate. Usually, my family doesn't really reciprocate with sharing personal feelings or opinions, they simply listen and nod type of thing. It can feel awkward. This time I got something in return! It made me feel like I was making a difference. It made me feel validated and encouraged to continue being myself. It felt wonderful.

RANDOM BB PIC
He picked out his jacket, hat, and mittens.
Pretty dang happy that morning!

I'm sad about the situation. It's not quite a hot mess; it certainly ain't near great though.

The relationship between my sister and her baby daddy is awful. She's borderline abusive I would say. That makes me and my parents worry about the future since sister/baby daddy are going to be in each others' lives for the rest of their lives! We want things to be better for my nephew... and for his parents.

My parents have had my sister and their grandson living with them for a while now. She moved in sometime during my recovery (I can't remember when because of the ECT) so it's been a decent length of time. Over a year now, I know. They're exhausted. She blows up at them and will sometimes complain to me about wanting her own place. I don't think she appreciates what she has and how good she has it. She calls herself a single parent when she's really got two co-parents.

RANDOM BB PIC
"No time for diapers!
I gotta catch up on my Reader's Digest!"

The hubs and I have been having some pretty... intense discussions lately as well. It's borderline arguing and there's definitely strong emotions-thankfully we always end up in a calmer place with more functional communication. I think I'll post about that later after I've had more time to think on it.

Hope everyone's having a good weekend. We've got blue skies and chilly temps. Might get some snow flurries today.

14 comments:

  1. I am thrilled that communication with your mother is improving. Sad for the subject, but thrilled that the door is opening.
    Love the BB photos. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You are gaining a lot of insight into yourself and your family. This is a good thing and will only help in your communication with them. Yay you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. your mom will feel so much better after having that talk with you - I'm sure it supports her a lot with the difficult situation

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good. I hope she feels a bit better and I certainly enjoyed the gratitude and pride it brought to me :o)

      Delete
  4. I think the fact that you're having more intense discussions with your husband now is because he thinks you're better and he doesn't have to be the strong one all the time. It may be uncomfortable and needs to be talked about, but it sounds like a good thing to me.

    Also, so great that you're well enough that you can be the one caring for others emotionally like you did with your mother.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So true about the intense discussions-I think you hit the nail on the head. We don't let things simmer or become dysfunctional, so I think in the long term the discussions help strengthen our relationship and are a good thing :o)

      It does feel good to be able to be there for others, especially since I'm better able to separate their stress from my responsibilities!

      Delete
  5. Love BB's clothing selections. My grandnephew insists on wearing his Batman costume every single day 24 hours a day. It is trick for his parents to sneak it away to wash.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha! He hasn't quite got there yet-there is a blue puffy jacket that he was really into and refused to take off even when he was sweating bullets haha

      Delete
  6. Cool beans, Girl. Great photos. Love the reading one. OMG.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha we love that reading one too :o)

      Delete
  7. The photos of your little man are adorable. I can't believe how big he's getting! So cute. Good communication is wonderful. The more honest we are with each other, the better the relationship. In my opinion, anyway! Sorry to hear all that about your sister. I can certainly understand your mom wanting her life back and feeling so tired and overwhelmed. If I had to take care of grandkids full time, I'd feel the same way. I raised my kids and at this stage in my life, I want to be free to relax and enjoy life. Your mom certainly has the right to feel the same way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Martha :o) I think honesty is a great asset as well. It can be so validating to be heard and appreciated for who you are instead of playing mind games! I also feel for my mom... can't get too involved or too stressed, I can still care though

      Delete

Thank you for reading and commenting!

Be well, HBF