Saturday, March 11, 2017

Happy/Sad Days

Last week I got to graduate from my DBT therapy. Wednesday the 1st was my last group night and Tuesday the 7th was my last individual meeting. I can still contact my therapist if I need help or need a random session. Still, it was a goodbye rather than a "see ya later."

Saying goodbye to my classmates was more emotional than I expected. I knew that I would cry, I just didn't expect to be sniffling and stuttering and seal-barking hardcore crying like I was!


For DBT graduation we each hold a seashell and share our thoughts and goodbyes to each graduate before they get to hold the shell and give their goodbyes to the class. I started crying while people gave me their goodbyes and when I started into mine the dam really broke. Before I even addressed the class I gave them all individual cards and handed the instructor my bin of "special prizes" for the weeks when they get double homework or when they get to play Jeopardy for module reviews. It was a good feeling.

I got so many great compliments. People spoke about how different I am now compared to when I first started. I don't slump and mumble anymore. My shoulders are back and I'm a beaming light and I take up the whole room with my laugh-it was so sweet. They talk about how supportive and friendly I am. How hard I've worked at the skills. How different class will be without me.

My therapists each called me a "community maker." That meant a lot to me. For so long I've battled loneliness and felt so isolated. Now I initiate conversations with acquaintances and strangers. I reach out and don't worry about reciprocation. I'm not paralyzed by fear anymore. I'm me. Take it or leave it.


My individual therapist also talked about how much has changed over the past year. How she was really worried about me being able to do DBT with my history of ECT. When I started DBT I was still doing ECT. She said that they'd never encountered anyone who had done ECT that could effectively learn DBT-until me. She called me an anomaly. Special. It was magical. I felt like a diamond. It meant so much to have someone point out just how much I've battled through. How I've beat the odds.

I'm a success story. I want to stay a success story. One day a time.


We have done so much trying to get me back to good since Baby Bananaface was born. Medications, therapies, inpatient, outpatient, ECT, TMS, DBT, exercise. The medications have been a part of my recovery, sure, though I really feel like the DBT and my gym routine are what saved me.

For my birthday I got to share my thanks with my gym instructors and last week I got to share my thanks with my DBT community. I'm so happy that I'm in a place where I can share like that as well as acknowledge how far I've come.


Whew. So many emotions! Anywho. That happened. :o)

16 comments:

  1. I'm so happy for you and proud of you, Hannah, which is not meant as pressure, because as you say, one day at a time, it's a process and a remembering, and sometimes a refresher. You are doing so well, and I am glad you got to hear how much your kindness and lovingness supports and helps other people. I'd have seal barked too.

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    1. Thanks Angella! It was good to here how people appreciate me for being me. Certainly affirming and encouraging as I try to be more of myself!

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  2. I am happy on your behalf and proud of how well you have done. Your classmates and therapist are right about your kindness and you being a community builder. You've done both here, too. Hugs!

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  3. You continue to be such an inspiration to me. I have no doubt that you are going to continue to move forward. You are not only a community maker, you are a teacher and mentor as well.

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    1. Thanks Birdie :o) I definitely wanna keep it up!

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  4. You ARE a diamond. And a community make, a teacher, a mentor and have immense courage. And fortitude. Hugs.

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  5. Bravo seems the appropriate response:-)

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    1. Thanks Annie :o) Seems a wonderful response to me

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  6. Congratulations! You ARE a success story and it's so wonderful to see!

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  7. Brave, girl! You continue to impress. I'm so very happy for you.

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    1. Thanks Martha :o) So glad to have y'all on this journey with me!

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  8. It must have been very hard to leave people with whom you have shared some of the most intense times of your life. But congrats that it is time to graduate!!

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    1. So true. You are so right! Thanks :o)

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Thank you for reading and commenting!

Be well, HBF