Slow start with sleeping in and creeping anxiety throughout the day as I fretted about a meet-n-greet scheduled for that evening. The meeting didn't go badly I just lacked confidence and direction and with my characteristic self-cruelty tore myself apart for the rest of the night.
I've decided to try some new things and study up to reassure myself about my doula role but still feel demoralized about last night. At least a little part of me knew it was the bad programming talking but it's so overwhelming not being able to see anything positive, losing faith so completely in myself and feeling like such a worthless fraud.
Couldn't get to sleep until close to 2:00 am but it was so sweet when my mind finally slowed down and those mean thoughts faded away.