Thursday, April 17, 2014

Fasten Thy Seat Belt!

Tuesday got a little bumpy 'round here.

The day began rather mundane. Woke up around 10:00 AM, managed to feed myself, do a workout, and acknowledge the fact that I was lonely and sick of being cooped up in the apartment, acutely feeling that I needed to get out of the house. Fast forward a few hours and the hubby arrives home from work while I'm working on a mini-project. For whatever reason, I fracture.

He was on board with getting out of the house despite the fact that he immediately launched into preparing the roast for dinner. I was jolted off-balance by the mixed messages, already stressed from my cabin fever, and feeling guilty for not working (or as my mind was phrasing it "having a valid excuse to be stressed out and needing to traipse about town") and suddenly felt my peripheral vision narrow.

It's a symptom of my anxiety when my peripheral vision feels dimmed and narrowed, I feel like I am suddenly removed from my surroundings and unable to interact with people or objects around me. It's like I'm frozen in a huge block of ice that puts impenetrable distance between me and the world. The hubster recognized this (especially after I crouched on the floor in an odd spot in a somewhat "hiding in plain view" position) and spoke softly, asking questions and trying to get me to maintain some eye contact.

Between his presence and my breathing/mindfulness I was able to acknowledge that I was having a minor episode, that the feeling would pass, and subsequently focus on getting out of the house and not letting my anxiety hijack the afternoon. We went to a little shopping area called "Town Center" and had some ice cream (you know he's babying me when he agrees to go to Cold Stone) before meandering around Pier 1 and the University Bookstore. It was a good escape, though I would've liked to wander for a longer period.

We came home to a delightful roast that had cooked perfectly in our absence and concluded the day with some computer games, reading, and TV. Takin' it easy ;) It was a bumpy day but in the end I coped and didn't let it ruin the entire evening or the next few days-progress!

In more recent news, I upped the ante and tried the next level on the workout video the doc recommended. Sweat was drippin'! I'm hoping to complete 7 days of each workout level before the road trip next month. It's rushing things but I know that I will appreciate it once I'm in road trip mode and not able to exercise or eat as healthfully. I'm planning to pack some nuts, fruits, veggies, and peanut butter & bread to help avoid eating too much fast food but I know that the trip will take a toll on my health, the question is just how much of a toll.

While I've made good progress with my mental and physical health I am concerned about spending over a week away. Out of my usual routine, away from my resources, and away from the hubster. I'm trying to look at it as a learning opportunity and a unique challenge but I feel afraid. I can't help think that my reserves are not stockpiled high enough to meet this challenge and stay healthy! Who knows, maybe it will be energizing or educating in a way I cannot predict?

Regardless, it's happening in less than a month and we'll just have to see!

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Be well, HBF