Saturday, November 29, 2014


Been feeling busy lately so blogging has fallen by the wayside a bit. Between ornaments and self care and trying to get quality time in with the hubbo the days have been coasting by pretty quickly-and now it's nearly December!

Last week things got a bit rocky for me... I mentioned before how the personalizing has been getting to me and last week I started out weak. Monday I came to work with a load of anxiety which was only made worse by the atmosphere that day. By Tuesday I was feeling pretty fragile and the infant CPR class we attended that night seemed to put me over the edge.

I think it was partly the instructors nonchalant, sarcastic, "your efforts are futile" attitude but also the fact that we shelled out twenty bucks for what I considered a disappointing and offensive class. What kinda guy thinks talking about dead babies to a room full of about-to-pop moms-to-be is a good idea!? We're already tweaking!

Even though I was rationally aware of the anxiety inducing pitch of his presence and the frustration I felt regarding the money (as nominal as twenty bucks is, you know me, a nickel on the wrong day could be a trigger) I couldn't prevent the excruciating slide into panic mode. That night I was crying and anxious and overwhelmed.

I didn't work that following day and even opted to work from home the day after that. The time away from additional stress definitely helped though I hated to raise alarm bells and have people worried about me (though in my mental state it seemed they were just worried about the workhouse disappearing and not so much my well being). In the end I'm glad I isolated and healed up a bit before returning to work. Thankfully that Friday and the weekend was pretty slow and this week was a short work week since we left for Thanksgiving at the in-laws Wednesday morning.

The drive to Pasco wasn't quite arduous but definitely uncomfortable and slow going. I needed 4 pit stops on the way (North Bend, Ellensburg, Yakima, Prosser) and 3 on the way back (should've taken more, by the time we got home I loony and achy and done for!). I'm glad we weren't planning to make the drive for Christmas this year, I'd be crying already!

I wasn't a huge fan of sitting elevated on the donut pillow the entire drive but it really did save me. It couldn't save me the aggravation and pain of Fio's psychotic barking at every stop. I was starting to go dog-crazy he was so piercing and noisy.

Overall our visit went well though I was definitely low-energy. I spent a fair amount of time with a heating pad battling shoulder and back ache and a noticeable amount isolated in cooler areas because I was burning up in the heated house. At one point I sat outside reading with Fio on my lap to cool down and at others I shut myself up in the guest room we stay in with the window open. I thought I was running hot but nothing like this!

Baby is definitely getting bigger and stronger, kicking against mugs of tea and rolling around in there like some Cirque do Soleil act :) I'm feeling the increasing weight and pressure though my overall weight is still on a very slow incline (I'm at about 13 lbs gained overall).

Emotionally I've been feeling more ups and downs. When I'm tired and achy I feel overwhelmed and not ready for baby but when I'm energetic and relaxed I feel excited to meet him/her. My baseline anxiety is still up but recognizing it as a pregnancy symptom helps me manage the waves of negativity.

Getting excited for the holidays but also wary of the next 3 weeks of ornaments. A short burst of craziness but I feel vulnerable this year and I'm already balking under the pressure and Cyber Monday hasn't even hit. Guess I'll just have to take it one day at a time... Those weekly massages sure help.

In other news, Millie didn't take our Thanksgiving trip too well. She was upset (crawled in a corner and mewed, shying away from pets and treats) when we left and took a while to get back to normal when we returned. Iroh, of course, was totally fine. Munching kibble and rubbing legs as we left and when we returned.

Fio. Well. Fio and I aren't exactly best friends at the moment. Maybe once my ears stop ringing I'll be able to enjoy his company more ;)

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Be well, HBF