Today was a rough day. I broke down in the car crying on the way home from gym three or four times. Thoughts and images of suicide haunting me.
I had enough perspective that I was able to text the hubster once I got home. As we spoke on the phone I broke down sobbing and nearly hyperventilating. As I tried to speak to my husband my son pushed my legs and directed me to the bedroom urging me to get into bed and blowing me kisses saying "all better."
It was gut wrenching seeing my toddler trying to take care of me and seeing how he knew that when I have mental health issues to put in bed because he seen his father cart me off and tuck me in so many times before.
After shower I was able to calm down and focused on feeding us lunch. After that I spent a lot of time on the couch trying to recover some strength and dozing while BB played on his own.
Im not out of the woods yet and I'm in a better place than this morning. Got a call into the psychiatrist about ECT and jumping through some hoops to get back in for treatment. Hopefully next week.
Going on two weeks now. We knew it was a relapse-not an acite episode-even though we really hoped it wouldn't be full-on.
Here we are again. One step at a time. Fighting for hope and faith. Doing what I can.
The holidays were tough and triggering. Probably had a lot to do with my failing mood. Even so, not all bad. Good memories.
Love and hugs.