Phlegmy McPhlegmerson

I have a cold at the moment and while it's not completely debilitating it has certainly put a cramp on my quarantine style. Lunchtime walks with the hubs are off limits as is taking BB to/from daycare. Working out isn't working with the dripping and wheezing. SO I'm really getting a taste of going absolutely no where/doing nothing. Phlegm is still quite dark so I'm thinking into next week I'm gonna be somewhat gimped.

BB is going to be home with us for the month of April. We decided to do the holding fee at the daycare and I'm going to be in charge of his educational time while we're "on the inside." Hopefully we'll be able to go outside for about an hour each day assuming it's not crowded. I don't care about rain or sleet or snow, I'm just concerned about warm bodies and germs.

The hubs still isn't managing well. I'm not sure if it's me and sharing a space or simply all the news and texting with his sibs during the day about the pandemic, but he's taken to working late into the night in order to make up time. It's wearing on him and I'm concerned-especially considering how we have BB coming home to roost for at least a month!

Anyways. Not all is woeful. I've been having a good time connecting with friends on Facebook and a couple via text. Although I bucked up some bravery and texted my sibs to check in and got shut down a bit. A lackluster text on their part, some follow ups from me and then nothing. At least I know that it's not all me (the lack of texting/communication). If they ain't gonna respond or interact, I don't have to feel bad about not talking with them/keeping up. Not that I HAD to feel bad before.... WHATEVER. Movin' on.

I hope everyone is safe out there and well. By well I mean physically and mentally and emotionally but also financially and employment wise. We've had a lot of people lose their jobs and be put in a very worrying place. I send best wishes for all the above.

Ain't very eloquent today. Blamin' it on the phlegm!

Be well :o)

More Soap

We have enough soap. What I'm referring to with that title is handcrafted soaps as in these soap making videos! Being sequestered in a 2-bedroom apartment with the hubs and BB can get challenging. Not just because of the space and monstrous boredom, but the judgments.

Without gym to get to, errands to run, or classes to sub I'm having difficulties feeling okay about myself. I'm worried about putting 10 lbs back on or losing my strength again. Being bored and sitting around on yer ass for hours each day can be hard work mentally! I've been catching those judgments and trying to be open minded and caring toward myself as best as possible.

Part of me effectively coping is finding things to do "on the inside" and I just found a new tool for distracting (one of my DBT  skills) that has allowed me to focus entirely on the moment. These soap making videos are from a gal down in Texas with her own small business are gems. The soap making is entrancing AND the gal is so charming, genuine, and funny.

Anyways, it's helped me get through some days and I'm very grateful for the Buff City Soaps ad that made me think to search for soap making videos.

Maybe give a video a watch and see if  ya like it? There are so many different designs!

Adulting

The hubs and I are feeling this whole adulting thing and yes, it's pandemic related. We've got our supplies and we're not worried about food until we hear that domestic shipping has been disrupted. What's got us paralyzed is childcare.

BB is still attending preschool at this point despite most of our state being shut down for 2-6 weeks. Gyms and restaurants have been shut down until the 31st (although we think this will be extended) and schools until April 27th (also at risk of being extended as we anticipate a peak in cases). That said, his preschool hasn't been closed. Remarkable really, especially when considering how many kidlets they have coming in and out of there.

The  catch? We are coming up on April's payment and the preschool has told us that if we want to pull BB and pay a holding fee (a quarter of our regular payment) we have to do so by the first of the month or before the school is closed down. We don't know when the school could be closed down but it's felt like any moment since the other closures. There is also the increased risk of contracting the disease since social distancing is NOT happening.

So why keep him in? Sanity. The hubs is working from home and has had a hard time focusing with all the pandemic news. He's addicted, distracted, and stressed out. Me? Well, no, I don't have much to do and I could spend my day on BB-duty it's just that I haven't been on childcare duty for longer than a day or two in a long, long time and we're afraid for my health.

I have to admit that we aren't very scared about catching the virus which factors into the decision as well. Concerned, yes. Scared, no. And NO we don't want it; ain't lickin' no doorknobs. We have heard the stats and figure it's pretty likely that we'll catch it at some point and if we don't-woohoo! I know there are a lot of people that are really scared right now and it feels weird to be on the calmer side of things for once.

Anyways. We're waiting until next week to make the call about April childcare and honestly, we're hoping that the decision is made for us by the government or the childcare provider.

Adulting. Adulting in a pandemic. Never felt so old and yet so young at the same time in my life!

Words for Wednesday

Words for Wednesday! 

I REALLY didn't think I could do this one and somehow I managed to get all of the words in this week. Went a.... unique direction ;o)

Toilet
Sunlight
Dogma
Spurs
Vine
Wilting

And/Or

Ashen
Brexit
Colgate
Distillery
Elegance
Flighty

His toilet time dogma was getting old. The need for "alone time" was understandable but holding up traffic in the only bathroom in the house was crossing a line. Twenty minutes considering the pros and cons of Brexit was a bit much for a bathroom break. Even spurs wouldn't get this guy to get going. The dim room lacked sunlight and a wilting vine tried desperately to lend an exotic essence to the chamber. Smudges of Colgate on the counter an ashen reminder of the room's functionality and lack of elegance. This was no church, no center of genius. It was bathroom. Much better to sit at the distillery contemplating life's questions than a water closet. Still, he was a flighty member of the family escaping to the refuge multiple times a day. His toilet time dogma wasn't going anywhere soon.

Saturday, Saturday, Saturday

All those Saturdays are to be read in an Elton John rhythm. That'll be stuck in my head for a while!

Anywho. Our Saturday had some ups and a big down. It's been a little rough moving on so I haven't posted about it til now.

The initial plan was for the hubster to go down to my folks' and meet up with my dad and a family friend to kill a bottle of whiskey in honor of their acquisition of said top 3 whiskey of the year. (the hubs and my dad and this guy have turned into whiskey collecting aficionados) It turned into a house party with BB and I coming along, along with the wife of family friend (another family friend).

***Yes, I understand three grown men killing a bottle of whiskey can sound pretty awful. They have a great time together but yes, my dad was a hurtin' unit the next day. Thankfully doesn't happen often at all***

I hung out with my mother and family friend for most of the night and then joined up with the boys for a fire and some extra desserts later in the evening. We ended up swapping birth stories somehow and it was nice to see my dad reminiscence. I always like talking about BB's birth too,

SO, the big down. While we were in the kitchen scrambling around desserts the family friend (husband not wife) touched my ass in an inappropriate manner. Not sure there is an appropriate manner.... He grazed a knuckle across me as he passed by. These ass-centric violations have happened a couple of times before. It always makes me feel disgusting and violated.

I wasn't sure how to broach the subject although I came very close to blurting out something. The hubs didn't see what happened and didn't offer much support. He admitted later that it was a mistake for him to say, "Well, it was your fault for being in the 'firing zone' around the desserts." Last I checked, I have a right to stand wherever I want at least when desserts are concerned.

Ugh, such nasty feelings. So much anger. The day after I didn't want the hubster near me or touching me. Hubster didn't quite understand what my agitation was related to so he suggested a road trip down to Kalama and my favorite restaurant. Gorgeous. Still didn't stitch me up emotionally.

The hubs and I were talking for hours that evening until I felt like he finally understood me. We stood up and I did to him what this family friend did to me and he finally admitted how horrible it was. His equating awkward shoulder holds or lingering handshakes fell apart.

Still sad. I know this man will try it again and I know that I will have to do something. Avoiding him will be difficult since these are family friends of three decades just about. Thankfully the hubster understands and will run interference, even back me up if and when I say something, but it's up to me to be courageous in the moment.

And it's so difficult.

Words for Wednesday

First time back in over a year.... I did the second set ;o)

Nuclear
Foxtrot
Klan
Rollover
Utilities
Xeroxed

AND/OR

Audacious
Zinc
Plastered
Identification
Wheeling
Fixated

"Everyone always says you need to binge on Vitamin C," she said with a calculated rolling of her eyes. "But it's zinc you actually need. Zinc is what boosts your immune system so you can fight off those bad germs and viruses!" 

I grinned to hide a grimace. She was smiling and nodding like any good salesgirl should. A petite blonde with amber eyes not unlike the model plastered across the front of the advertisement for the supplements. I felt anchored against my will. 

"Notice a lot of hair coming out when you shampoo? THAT could be a zinc deficiency." 

She was wheeling and dealing with the factoids that I honestly assumed were based in fact but I just wasn't interested. I couldn't tell that to my face. It smiled back and I said something vaguely complimentary about the diversity of zinc's benefits before trying desperately to complete an about face to head away from the plastic table. 

"Just WAIT until you hear about this introductory offer. Since you've never tried-" She was on to me. Fixated on me now more than ever as I screeched slowly back to the table at her behest. "Here you go." 

My eyebrows shot to the sky as she audaciously took my right hand and slapped a hefty bottle of pills into it. Automatically my eyes tracked the patterns and words and processed the identification: Mama Tia's Life Loving Zinc.

That was it.

I slammed the zinc capsules down on the blue plastic tablecloth on the gray plastic table and watched her face fall. Twirling around as fast as I could I waved behind me with a pert "Thank you!" and speed walked away toward the nearest aisle.

Number one; done. Numbers of vendors left in Costco? To be discovered!

2019

So I'm going to try and cover 2019.... somehow. Even as I type I'm not sure how this is to be done! I'm sure there will be multiple "oh, by the ways" along my future posts regarding events that this blog has missed. Please bear with me :o)

I figure pictures is a great way to go!

BB telling a story to our snowman early 2019.

He's been doing well at preschool, especially with

art and writing. He loves giving hugs and kisses to his

friends when he leaves at the end of the day.

An assignment I did along with the kids during my student teaching!
I survived student teaching without any major health crises although my anxiety was a challenge.
I was scared for my national content exams what with the memory challenges, it turned out very well.

My best friend moved to CO and BB and I were lucky enough to fly down and
visit her family (including my goddaughter!) in the summer.
 I miss her and the old CrossFit box community. I had to quit once
student teaching started and then I was injured at the new local box. It's been quite a
challenge getting back into a fitness routine spending 9 mos out of the game!

BB thrilled to be on a camel at the zoo summer 2019!
We had a good summer after our visit to CO. Part of the spring and summer my sister
and her new baby daddy husband had moved to AL after his joining the Army.
Unfortunately he didn't make it through training and she and the boys ended up moving back
and back in with my parents (no more fun visits for us). Her husband ended up moving
back and in with my folks as well (even though my folks insisted that they wouldn't
allow it and that the family would go live with his parents. Right.).
So that all made for some complications. I was so thrilled at a thousands of miles between us.

At a local bird reserve fall of 2019. I did all right for the fall and into the holidays,
but as 2020 came on my mood has dipped and I've been struggling a little bit.

FIVE YEARS OLD!!!

It's a Monday

It's a Monday. It's a Monday just after daylight's savings though, so it's a little rougher than usual. AND it's a Monday after a busy weekend. Friday AND Sunday at my parents' house. 

Friday was a surprise birthday party for my mother. My family came under the guise of a BBQ, just us and them, and then my sibs showed up. I suppose I have some catching up to do with all of you-my sister has another son and a husband now! 

Anyways, Sunday was much more impromptu and while it proved boring at times it was fun. The hubster and my dad were cutting down trees! I got to help pull a couple down which was fun if not tough on my hands.

So I'm a little slow today and that's okay. I managed to get to an exercise class even if I wasn't 100%... or 90% haha

Wellness wise, I've been working hard. Many trips up north (over an hour each way) as my psychiatrist and I fend off a depressive dip. My anxiety has been running away with itself for weeks and I think I'm going to be boning up on my DBT skills to try and work around that considering I can't be drugged out of my gourd 24/7. (Although I admit sometimes another bit of that ketamine trial would be nice)

Anywho. Here's a picture from a while back... it reminds me how messy life can get with still lookin' good. ;o)