Dee Valentines and Birfday Loveliness

Have I ever mentioned how awesome my husband is at picking flowers?

Now, I wouldn't say that I hate roses, but they seem very generic to me and I told the hubster early on that what I really like are tulips. And wouldn't ya know it, he had the flower shop lady hunt him down some tulips!

Lilies are another flower I enjoy (despite the danger to my beloved cats, thankfully they don't gnaw on them *knock on wood*) and I also like baby's breath and fern, I know they're just "filler" but I like them. And whatever those spiky purple things are, well those are cool too! The hubster always tries to find something "different" to add in to the mix and this year he succeeded at putting together another lovely bouquet!

So that was my birthday bouquet. And of course, right after my birthday comes Valentine's Day. Interesting turn of events this year-I got the hubby flowers instead of him getting me flowers!

His bouquet was originally going to be daisies since our Valentine's Day movie was "You've Got Mail," but the market didn't have them, only some little field type of daisies. So I used the field daisy things a random green blobby thing, some purple heathery looking stuff, and for the main dish a pair of yellow chrysanthemum.

The hubby is a bit more romantic about roses than I am, but I'm very picky and didn't see any that I liked. For whatever reason, yellow seemed right and I knew that he liked mums-so there ya go.

In other Valentine's news I used some small metallic confetti in the hubby's card and he got it all over! Mwahahaha The funnier part is that I had already used some in a random card I sent to his office as a "just cuz" surprise and he fell for it again! Just dumps it out all over himself hahaha

And now, a week has passed and most of my bouquet has wilted so a few of my flowers have jumped ship and united with his bouquet, clinging onto color for a few more days....

My birthday this year was certainly different. I don't usually feel older but this year I did a little. Maybe it was the leap from survey bracket 18-24 all the way to 25-34! My delirious sleep deprived state from a birth the night before may have contributed as well.

This year I changed my F'book profile so that it doesn't display my birthday and I avoided the barrage of forced F'book "Happy Birthdays" and instead enjoyed the few texts and phone calls from family and close friends. I also relished each and every birthday card.

Thankfully the two births I had for February neither conflicted with each other, the Super Bowl, Valentine's Day, or my birthday party that following Saturday! It was a full month, but I enjoyed every event, challenging births included.

It's just a number, but 25 felt special. Part of that was my family coming up for the day (even my sister coming home from Cheney!) and part of it was feeling like I deserved a little birthday celebration for the first time in a long time, and being up to enjoying it! It's still horribly difficult for me to take a compliment or accept attention, but this year I seemed to feel the love a bit more, appreciate the simple family traditions we have and be grateful for having another year.

And I got to have lasagna. And garlic bread. And then, leftover lasagna! The only thing better than lasagna is leftover lasagna! MmmMmmMmm :)

Birth, Birthday, and Valentines

I'm still reeling, sleep deprived, stressed and behind on chores but I guess I have an excuse!

A birth all night Wednesday really challenged me and put me through the ringer so that Thursday I was pretty out of it all day. The hubby took me out for a really fancy birthday dinner (I had "the duck" and he had "the salmon" and we both had some kick ass pinot noir). Today was still rough but somehow I was able to shower by 10:00 am and get some errands done, including making two lasagnas. As for the house chores.... Eh, gonna have to work on that later.

Tomorrow we're hosting my parents for my "birthday party" since I'm still on call for another birth. My sister came home from EWU so she'll get to come up too! Should be a fun afternoon. Any day with lasagna in it usually ranks high in my book, not to mention a Raspberry Bomb Torte from Central Market. HELLO, delicious.

As for today, Valentine's Day, the husband and I made it a point to actually have plans. We're having homemade lasagna (yes, I am having lasagna two days in a row) and "You've Got Mail" for our Valentine's Day celebration. No need for boxed chocolates, we cheated and ate some weeks ago, and no roses allowed either. The hubby did get me tulips, lilies, and crazy random accent flowers though, he's a custom bouquet master. I actually got my act together and remembered to get him flowers, chrysanthemum, field daises, and crazy accent flowers :)

Since my birthday is on the 13th we usually don't do much for Valentine's Day. We enjoy our time together without date nights or Valentine's Day celebrations, so it's usually not a big deal for us. No need to "make up" for a year of listless companionship! (Hoping that doesn't change over the years, but I don't suppose those in that boat ever intended to be there themselves...) But this year we wanted to do something festive, heck, maybe we'll start some sort of tradition one of these years.

Still have our Seahawks decor up, heck, maybe that could be a tradition if they keep going to the Super Bowl? Woot woot!

In other news, the flea situation is lessened but still ongoing. Another round of prescription treatment next week and hopefully we'll have it under control.

Wanted to talk about my gagging in a fancy fufu restaurant and letter writing but I'm still too loopy (as evidenced by this post). I should have my head back on straight within a couple of days and I'll try again!

Begone BlogHer!

I have officially given up on BlogHer and deleted that account. After the tech-guy (aka the hubby) couldn't figure out how to make it work better for me, I asked an admin to delete my account.

It was quite stressful for me. Feeling like a failure, having to ask for help, having to ask for help again. But now that it's over, I'm relieved.

It seems like a great service and platform for many women bloggers, but it didn't feel right to me. The main issue was not being able to link my blog with that service and then having to copy and paste to repost in BlogHer. It was a pain and their blogging service was cruddy. So I will stick with Blogger! The hubby is a fan of WordPress, but I don't think I could handle that change right now, especially considering all the changes I have just made...

The blog has been repainted and I started up a Twitter to match! The whole process is just about complete and I think it'll stick for a good while. It did get me thinking about exposure though, which is a tricky thing for me.

Yes, I started this blog just for myself without expecting many visitors or readers but now that I've been blogging for a couple years and have racked up a few comments and followers I have been thinking more about my public face. It's kind of funny, as much as I think and speak out about stigma and mental illness, I'm afraid to walk the walk! I'm afraid of my real-world Hannah and my Hannah Bananaface realm colliding.

As far as my personal life, I don't really care. I don't have much of a personal life outside this apartment and those friends that I do have are supportive. My family... I don't know. There is a big tradition of shame in my family and while I'm pretty sure my siblings couldn't care less I'm afraid my parents would be concerned. Embarrassed and concerned about my job prospects down the line if a potential employer were to discover the blog.

Which boils everything down to why I started blogging the first place, mental health. It's the poison in the water, the content that makes the blog "touchy." Mental health is the reason I'm afraid to step out of my shell for fear of my clients and potential clients thinking less of me.

The hubster did a good job of reassuring me. Letting me know that I'm not "that crazy." I'm not a danger to myself or others, so what should anyone care? But I have to consider the fact that clients might not want to work with someone who has anxiety issues or depression. It has never conflicted with my work as a doula and I'm remarkably good at stowing my private issues away to jump into doula action when needed, but that might not matter to certain people. Certain people don't want to be around anybody "mental" at all.

Well, I guess if they don't want to be around me, I won't be around them! I'll have to have faith that things will work out and most people won't ever link me to this blog or read Hannah Bananaface. Let's face it, I'm a small fish in a big, big pond! Maybe I'm not perfectly anonymous, but I'll run the risk of ripples in my personal life to preserve my blogging life. After all, I see HBF more than I see most of my friends and family ;)

So here I come world, a-Twittering and a-blogging to my heart's content!

Tired and Loopy

I have been on call for two clients and now I'm down to one!

This birth wasn't quite as long as the 4-day induction I attended at the beginning of the year, but I'm tired all the same and chuggin along a little slower, and a little off-center (well,  more so than usual).

There was a moment when I was tired and wondering if I should be a doula but those doubts faded fast with the miracle of birth and a couple of ego-boosting compliments from my client and one of the birth center staff.

The hubster was out of town the past couple days and I really missed him. As annoyed as I get sometimes sharing a bed I really don't like sleeping alone anymore!

In pet news, Millie hasn't pissed on anything for weeks! *knocksonwood* Iroh has some stunning bald patches and Fio seems to be following his lead and over-grooming above his tail as well. Oh the neurotic pets never let up, do they?!

Doula Training

I am having a blast at doula class! Learning a ton and having fun doing it as well as enjoying the company of lots of amazing women with amazing stories.

I shared some personal revelations on my midwifery blog if ya wanna check it out-look at my profile and visit the other blog!

Yippee!

Thanks to my Christmas ornament holiday employment I've been able to register for my doula training class at the Penny Simkin Center in Bastyr University!

For those who have known me for any substantial length of time have probably caught on that I'm not an uber-baby-licious babe. In fact, I'm not a fan of drooling infants and poop smears or lengthy crying fits and sticky fingers. With that knowledge in mind, it might be surprising that I've registered to learn the doula trade and am interested in becoming a midwife.

While others' interests in midwifery or doula work might focus on the babies, my interest hinges on the mothers-the women.

Not being a mother myself, I can't share first hand information about the birth experience, but from my studies I've become fascinated with the journey of birth and the transformative experience it can hold for women. Aiding women and being a part of this irreplaceable and momentous occasion in their lives appeals to me in a way that overrides my gross-out factor!

Doula training-here I come! Then I'll start tackling chemistry and my other prerequisites for midwifery school :o)