L is for Learning #atozchallenge

This post is part of my first year doing the A to Z Challenge and I happen to be writing under the theme Gratitude: The Things That Keep Me Alive. This is a relevant theme for me as I am struggling with postpartum depression, and also have diagnosed anxiety and bipolar II (just to let you know what's going on with me-it might be pertinent as you read the post below). Thank you for stopping by and reading my post!

L is for learning, or learnin' as I sometimes say, as in book learning (knowledge gathered from books or study as opposed to experience) because not only do I truly enjoy learning I am very grateful for learning new things as a piece of my recovery. 

While I was inpatient we would have a variety of learning experiences during therapy that involved articles, workbooks, worksheets, and educational films. I am currently in a DBT class (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and seeing a DBT therapist to learn new coping mechanisms and make positive lifestyle changes, and boy, is that workbook hefty! There are also various articles that I read online and research into my diagnoses that I do mostly online that are a more freeflowing, unpredictable but essential part of my learning in recovery that I also consider book learnin'. 

I gain a lot of knowledge through experience, but I find book learnin' to be more enjoyable and rewarding. The hubster seems to be a bit different. He would gain a lot of knowledge and rewarding feelings from say, falling down the side of a mountain whereas I would just be upset! I think it shows how there are different types of people in the world. Some people prefer book learnin' to experience, some people prefer experience, and some people prefer not to learn at all (a la #Trump and his supporters). 

Learning is one of those complicated things that can be quite pleasurable or quite unpleasant. One of those big ticket items in life that can be considered what life is all about like love, family, experience; learning is unending and sometimes convoluted, other times delightfully simple:

live to learn; learn to live.

For someone like me, who has considered taking her own life on multiple occasions, learning to live is no joke. While I'll probably be working on this lesson for the rest of my life, learning to live well can be as satisfying as it is challenging. Some of it comes natural, but there are a lot of ways I've had to learn to take care of myself and I'm really glad I have books and resources to help me!

And seriously, if we didn't learn anything ever we wouldn't last very long, would we?!

Take care and be well :o)

Snow!

Had a beautiful snow shower this afternoon-nothing heavy, but pretty and light. It started out with very, very light flurries and as I laid down for an afternoon rest the flakes became big puffs that looked like goose down. I love the way the sky becomes so bright with the snow clouds during the day, glowing in that unique way.

Lying in bed I thought of two ladies. First, my friend Birdie as she prepares for surgery. I imagined every snowflake as a bit of luck for her. Second, I thought of my aunt and how this snow shower might be her last. It made me sad and yet I don't feel bad for taking care of myself and not going out of my way to connect with her. I am not well enough to be crusading after others... not that I should be pouring myself out to those that offer no refills!

In other news, my mood seems to be okay lately with less dark spots, but dark, dark spots. It's so easy for my mind to go to those bad spaces very fast. My better mood is quite often counterbalanced by exhaustion and I've been spending more time in bed in the afternoon. I also think my anxiety has been affecting my sleep so I've been tired to start out with, just the exhaustion in the afternoon descends upon me so quickly it's something special-a very abrupt, "nope, no more, that's all she's got!" and I must recline. I can't nap, but I lie down with my eyes closed.

I have been withdrawn a bit lately... I think I am still feeling the sting of rejection following the holidays and not having any Christmas with my family, well the traditional Christmas. I did see my dad and brother at a tennis facility. Ho ho ho.

I must try not to dwell on this, especially my mother and my sister, they pain me so, repeating thoughts only do more harm. Pink elephants! But I need to grieve I think... so difficult to let the sadness out. Grr.

Side note, the hubs and I listened to "The Martian" on audiobook and it was fabulous! I was laughing out loud and alternately clinging to his hand and we both agree that we enjoyed the book more than the movie. We had seen the movie first and thought it was fabulous but the book blew it out of the water.

A Good Read.

I love Brene Brown. She is a hero of mine and I'm sad to say I haven't read her past two books because of this damned funk I've been in  (read depression).

But I happened across her on the interbutts and found this post that really spoke to me.

I hope to read "Daring Greatly" and "Rising Strong" soon.



In other news, I saw the lactation consultant this morning and she recommended formula for the night feedings, laying off the pumping and letting my boobs regulate to just nursing during the day. It's a weight off my shoulders, a little mourning in my heart, but overall I think the right direction for my family right now.

My Kid and Books

Chubby baby legs and book grabbing cuteness must be shared.

Fall is Here

Some pictures from my equinox:

Hubby bought me a new travel mug  ^^^ :)

Great view from the doctor's office in Issaquah.
Disappointed to not feel like I'm getting better but at least not worse.

Love this year's seasonal cup....

Baby Bananaface lookin' stylish in his "big boy" stroller (no car seat).

Playing Rummy, cute socks, cute expressions

Finally gave Mod Pizza a try. It was awesome. Marion Blackberry Lemonade too!

Baby's books from the online book party 

Babymoon-DONE!

We've declared our babymoon a success, though I must say we took things a lot slower than we anticipated, mostly due to me coming down with a cold shortly after arriving in Canmore :/ Despite traveling with masses of tissues and phlegm we managed to see most of the things we planned for and found some fabulous dining (my taste buds weren't totally defunct).

Our favorite food spots included Trough and OEB with the Trailhead Cafe in Lake Louise a surprising lunch success. Trough and OEB were straight up, best of the best, making it on the list of our favorite food spots ever. The hubster enjoyed a brew at Grizzly Paw but we didn't eat out all that much (well, we've discovered Canadian A&W to be vastly superior to the American version). Instead we managed to eat quite a few meals at the condo and save some cash, which was nice and worked out well with my low energy/food motivation.

We really enjoyed Cave and Basin but the Banff museum was closed for renovations. The scenic drives around Tunnel Mountain and the Icefields Parkway were awesome (a low-flying eagle may have scared the bejeezus outta the hubster at one point) and the mountains blew our minds. They are beyond big up there, as are the ravens (another bird that the hubster was not enthused by-but I sure did!).

The hubster found the teddy bear he wanted for baby in Banff and I found a cute board book with adorable bear illustrations. Otherwise we sent some postcards and snagged some Kinder eggs while the getting was good but opted out of most souvenirs.

Broke in our new camera (we may still be getting the hang of it) and managed to do the Peyto Lake/Bow Summit hike (I was wheezing, I tell ya what), toodle around the Marsh Loop at Cave and Basin, and walk around Lake Louise a bit but not a full trail journey. Between the congestion and general fatigue I was experiencing things were pretty laid back. It was pretty chilly for us too so viewing sites from the warmth of the rental car was a natural alternative!

We found the golden larches I so wanted to see and learned a lot at the Ammolite Factory tour, even saw some new species for us at the zoo in Calgary. All in all, it was a lovely trip with amazing views, only a few hiccups and a lot of pleasant surprises. The hubster seems to be coming down the cold I had during our stay and I unfortunately barfed on two of our three flights but the good definitely outweighed the bodily fluids.

On a side note, we got rather wrapped up with the Canadian news of the week. Sadly our trip coincided with two horrible attacks; our anniversary involved a hit-and-run of two Canadian soldiers and then a couple days later the shooting at Ottawa. Being American we are a bit desensitized to that sort of violence but the fact that it was on Canadian soil really struck us and it was fascinating watching the news coverage and how CTV handled things as opposed to how American news handles such occurrences. I was very happy to see many of the guest speakers and hosts refrain from sensationalizing too much (it still happened but was kept pretty well in check) and focus on positives and national pride more than fear and reactionary statements. Stay classy, Canada.

In other news, I am shocked at how long my hair is! And how pregnant I'm looking.... Starting to sink in! And here is photographic evidence with a lovely grimace...

I'm not a huge fan of head colds or creepy Halloween decorations. It's a double whammy grimace.

Recently Read: The Depression Cure

Got around to reading the book "The Depression Cure" by Stephen Ilardi a few weeks back and just haven't gotten around to blogging about it. 

I think the delay may have to do with the fact that the book doesn't make a big splash. It's common sense with some science and anecdotes and mainly one giant affirmation of what I already believe, that lifestyle has a major impact on depression. 

For over a year now I've been slowly distancing myself from traditional forms of treatment for depression, leaving behind medications and psychiatric treatment and even minimizing naturopathic visits in lieu of lifestyle changes and focusing on living instead of living to treat a disease. It hasn't been a cakewalk but I have felt much better than recent years when I became far too enveloped in disease, treatment, and symptoms. Sometimes, just moving on a bit helps more than trying so hard!

I have found that the naturopathic approach has been the most helpful but the intensity of treatments a bit overwhelming. I appreciated Ilardi's simplifying approach to adding Vitamin D and fish oil supplements little by little as opposed to a heaping pile of supplements "that may help" a wide array of symptoms. I've found that many of my sub-symptoms have been cleared up by addressing the larger issues, and circumventing the overwhelming supplementation helps maintain morale.

So while I can't recommend "The Depression Cure" as a groundbreaking work I can say that it represents that most effective treatment I've yet tried and the closest representation of my treatment goals. It's an easy read and it's really simple but the results are undeniable. 

I have to admit I'm feeling a bit huffy as I write this thinking of all the years of reading and pills and supplements and exercise and therapy and appointments yet finding myself using such simple means to feel better lately. It reminds me of the anger I feel watching advertisements that lead people to make poor life choices or looking at poorly made "food" on shelves at markets and thinking of all the sick people unwittingly making themselves worse. 

I have to remember that we're only human and that sometimes it takes a while to learn a lesson. It's taken me quite a while to reach a place where I respect my body and mind's limitations and aim to live within those limitations and improve my outcomes. 

Even more important is remembering that each day is a new beginning and giving myself the space to fail and try again as many times as I need. Sometimes with depression it takes a lot of "restarts" before you can get anywhere, it's not a personal failure it's just part of the struggle.

Just keep trying.

Yippee!

Half of this yippee is legitimate and the other half is sarcastic.

The legitimate half is that my blog has passed 10,000 views! And I haven't been feeling horrible! Yippee!

The sarcastic half is that I've got more insurance crap to deal with.

Our insurance from last month still has outstanding, unresolved claims that I'm not sure can be resolved by our certificate of continuing coverage or if there was yet another mix-up and delay that is hindering the payments. Either way, it's a pain in the neck and every time we call we get someone different with a new story.

As far as new insurance, it wasn't a seamless transition. The hubster has been looking forward to this new insurance for weeks but now that we're finally covered I'm just frustrated.

Not only was the insurance not activated by the 1st as was scheduled, some of my current providers aren't covered. To be precise, 2/3 of my providers aren't covered.

After switching up therapists and primary care docs a few months back and then dealing with the taper and some episodes I don't feel up to another scramble. Thankfully I haven't had any serious issues that require immediate attention, so I've decided to just let things sit for a bit.

That said I know that I'm going to have to find another new therapist and another new primary care naturopath and I'm not happy about it. My acupuncturist is covered at least and I could see the Foot Zone lady again since she doesn't take insurance anyways but I feel like my main line of defense is down.

I really liked my therapist and I really liked my naturopath and the office staff/atmosphere/location. It's a bummer and a pain and definitely discouraging.

In better news I've been reading a book that really resonates with me and has helped me feel better lately, it's Karol K. Truman's "Feelings Buried Alive Never Die." The Foot Zone therapist recommended it to me and I've really liked it, there are similar concepts to Louise Hay's "You Can Heal Your Life" but more theory.

I'm also on call for a birth and anxious about my performance as a doula. I have so little faith even when I have a good track record!

Tips From Viscott

Some things I don't want to forget after reading David Viscott's "Emotional Resilience."

Oh The Woes of Withdrawal

I've been tapering off my meds this week and the tell tale signs are making life much less comfortable.

After reading Maisel's "Rethinking Depression" and looking into naturopathy and learning more about the true efficacy of antidepressants in the long term and their effects on mild depression I've been inspired to try a different approach.

Of course, the all-day-long nausea, headaches, and apparently car sickness is taking its toll.

I've yet to actually toss my cookies but it sure feels like I'm toeing the line a lot lately!


Peter Breggin's work has been a large resource for me and correlates well with Maisel's concept of human unhappiness being misconstrued too often as mental disease. I've also drawn encouragement from documentaries about nutrition and the ability of the body to realign itself without the use of psychoactive drugs.

The hubbo is still a bit skeptical and understandably scared about a relapse. We all know that we don't need to revisit the dark places I've been over the past year!

So far I've been slowly accumulating information and learning more to try and cement my intuitive sense that this the right direction. One of the hardest things to comprehend is the bias of the medical community and power of the Big Pharma.

It's hard to accept such a sad reality and part of me would rather believe that antidepressants are the answer than to acknowledge such a cruel practice and dark streak in humanity.

On the other hand, my gut tells me that leaving drugs behind for natural medicine will not only soothe my soul but help me move past this "disease" and get on with a fulfilling life.

I've broken away from consumerism before and the idea that "the latest cure/product/innovation" is the path to happiness-looks like that trend will continue. I am hoping that I will gain confidence and shed this feeling of timid resistance and embarrassment.

As drawn as I am to this new lifestyle I lack confidence in my innate knowledge and feel ashamed as I vary from my family and the path the majority of American society takes. I fear ridicule and I'm afraid to be wrong in the end for fear of unending criticism.

Although, these are mental pathways I can reroute and avoid and I have been working on just such concepts while reading "Natural Psychology!"

Maybe things are all coming together and I just can't see it yet.

Little Bit Of Everything

March has been a slow blogging month for me but that's not for lack of material!

I started off the month with that dastardly boil throwing a wrench into my week after my check-up with a new primary care doc at Everett Clinic. I had to cancel my PAWS shift because I couldn't walk any useful length!

That painful speed bump cleared up just in time for me and the hubby to head south for my mom's 50th birthday. It was a Bunco party and I enjoyed seeing some old friends but it's still odd hanging out with my mom and her friends when they're drinkin' and partying!

Turns out the hubster digs Bunco. Who would've thought? We decided if/when we have a moving party we'll make it a Bunco-themed shindig.

Speaking of moving... Tomorrow the hub, myself, and Fio are heading south, south to Hillsboro, OR, outside of Portland for an in-person 3rd interview with a dental company!

We have been mulling over the idea of moving down there and are going to give the town a thorough once-over tomorrow morning before his interview.

We've felt good about this prospect and are anticipating moving very soon. Of course, as excited as we are, we are just as anxious. Breaking our lease, paying for a moving truck, packing everything up and completing the move with 3 pets is a daunting task for us!

I'm nervous about feeling more isolated in a new town with absolutely 0 contacts. I already feel isolated here! Without a job, family, or many friends nearby it's basically me and my pets with a smattering of interactions with strangers.

I will say there is the occasional spark of social activity! On Tuesday I went to a fellow PersonalizedFree.com's home for lunch and chatting and hanging out. I thoroughly enjoyed myself and will gobble up the Thai leftovers she sent me home with shortly... *yum*

Further news! I had a dermatology appointment yesterday and have started a prescription acne treatment with antibiotics and a RX cream. I am going to do some more research on it, but I really liked my ARNP and nurse at the clinic and am feeling good about things so far :)

Further, further news! I'm not convinced of my depression diagnosis anymore.

Crazy, eh?

I'm reading Eric Maisel's writing about "Natural Psychology" and the concept that while biological depression does exist, it is quite often over-diagnosed due to misguided expectations about the nature of life.

Sure, I'm sure I've been biologically depressed before but right now, I feel like my main issue is psychological. I don't look at the world in a healthy, helpful way. I have very negative thought patterns and I don't have any driving force or reason to my life.

I'm reading and learning and going to do some work on this to try and unearth a purpose for my existence. More to follow-this'll be quite the undertaking!

In the meantime, I'm swallowing loads of pills everyday including: Vitamin D, Vitamin B Complex, Magnesium, Multi-Vitamin, Seroquel, Lexapro, thyroid meds, and now acne meds! I feel like a reverse-gumball machine.

Bye, March!

Well, there went March. It started out pretty productive but then screeched to a halt when my mental health decided I wasn't quite ready to run on all cylinders quite yet.

It's been a rough month but I did have my first glimmers of hope returning earlier this week while hanging out with my fiance and best friend (she was in town training future coworkers). Until that night I hadn't really had much hope regarding the future and I was simply avoid thinking about the future. Since then I haven't been skipping on rainbows but it was a mile marker to be noticed and appreciated.

I had intended to be sending out wedding invites this upcoming week but considering we don't have any locations locked in or a list of invitees' addresses or a complete and final guest list to begin with-I won't be visiting the post office anytime soon.

$%&#

*deep breath*

My standards are far too high. That makes me bristle to say but I need to lower my expectations of myself and others or I'm going to drive myself into the ground. If I get married in a highway median-so be it-things will most likely fall into place with or without my input.

*deep breath*

It's very stressful for me to let go of things (especially my wedding) and hand over my "project" to someone else. Like most everything I produce or put my two cents into I believe it reflects upon me and I feel the same about the wedding. It's scary to let it go, trash my timeline and expectations and just hope that it all comes together.

Really not my style but I don't really have a choice. I can hardly discuss the wedding with panic breaking over me-tightening my chest, swelling my temples, and shortening my breath.

*deep breath*

After all, who really cares what others think? Big freaking deal-it's a wedding folks. They happen everyday all over the place in a million different ways and you'll hardly remember the majority of it in the long run. I just have to hold onto what's really important-marrying my fiance.

That's the core of the entire ordeal and the only thing that really matters. Become legally married to my soul mate-achieve this and the day will be a success.

In other news I've been listening to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and have loved every minute of it! I'm not a huge fan of the Downey Jr. movies but the original text is wonderful.

Wow!

What a movie. The fiance and I just finished watching "The Help." I laughed-I cried-I LOVED IT!

I have to admit that I didn't really know what the movie was about-other than a white girl helping some black maids write a book. I was under the impression that the maids wanted to publish a book about cleaning-not about their lives as maids during segregation.

In the end, I'm glad that I went into the movie with little to no expectations or idea about the film's content and I can honestly say that this movie stands on its own. I haven't read the book, but I'm sure it is just as good to spawn such a wonderful film.

In other news, tonight was my volunteer night at the shelter and I had some more encounters with extreme kitty drool and only one case of nauseating diarrhea!

One cat dripped drool onto my jeans and sweater sleeves while I petted her and she purred. I felt the warm pellets of moisture seep into the cotton of my jeans and warm my skin and in that moment I wasn't annoyed by the sickly slobber at all-I was so happy to be there, comforting that cat while it recovered from it's bout of kitty flu.

While I work on ornaments I listen to KUOW and the world's news. Although KUOW does provide lots of reports and stories about quirky incidents or happy stories, most of the world's news is pretty depressing-especially when the top stories concern Congress. But listening to public radio all day makes me feel so good about helping those sick cats. KUOW helps me appreciate the kitty drool and my own healthy cats here at home.

Today was a good day :o)

Today is my dad's birthday!

Today was my dad's birthday, although we celebrated on Sunday with me, the fiance, Mom, Dad, the sis, cuz, and the sis's boyfriend. We pulled a great surprise over on Dad-he had no idea it was a sneak-party OR that we had lunch prepared (meatloaf-one of his favs) OR that we had cake OR presents AND we were still going to the established baseball game that afternoon!

It went over really well and Dad seemed really pleased. He loved the shadow box display for his medals that I mentioned earlier, here's a pic:

It wasn't a milestone birthday age-wise, but it was considering this time last year he had a major heart attack. Not only did he survive (against odds) he recovered and surpassed expectations to go ahead and win national championships in tennis. 

Today was also good for other reasons. 

I had a wonderful time at yoga. I have being going to the center for classes long enough to start coming out of my shell and really enjoy seeing familiar faces. After class today I went ahead and became a "member" of the center which means I get discounts on classes, massages, and such. I immediately took advantage of my membership to get a discounted rate for tai chi class!

My mom and her friends have recommended tai chi to me since I like yoga but also because it's supposed to be the best exercise for those with major depression. The class runs from next week until October 26th and is a beginner's course. I'm a little anxious since tai chi involves mastering movements not stationary poses like yoga and I have a history of clumsiness :o/

I am excited to be a member at the center and get discounts, I think it will help me get to classes more often instead of holding back to save dough. 

Yoga has been a wonderful tool and refuge while working through my depression. I cannot sing enough praises for yoga! In fact, my practice has branched out into further curiosity and I picked up this book, "Yoga and the Quest for True Self" by Stephen Cope.

 

I haven't made it too far in the book but I've very much enjoyed the third that I have read so far. Not only am I learning more about yogic philosophy, Cope pulls readers in with his personal story of self discovery through yoga as well as providing insight as a "westernized" psychologist.

Lately I've been struggled with waves of hard thinking and disappointment with the world around me. Not in Nature, I always love Nature and the endless wonders I find in Her, but in man's convoluted society and sense of humanity. 

Even with my newly prescribed, upped dose of generic Paxil, I cannot calm my mind or stop myself from contemplating that which lies around me. And let's face it, a lot of what lies around us can be purty durn depressing if not downright sickening.

Sometimes I find myself chastising and criticizing myself for those thoughts, repeating the words of my teenage friend's, "Hannah, you think too much!" More often I find myself swamped by pain, disappointment, and angst-unable to find hope for the world or a way to make a different. 

After a talk with the fiance last night I'm finding myself at the conclusion that A) I don't think too much, B) I cannot and will not ever fix everything, and C) Because I do think enough to recognize and realize the suffering around me I cannot sit idly by and do nothing. 

What I plan to do exactly is yet to be determined. 

For now, I plan to continue on my path toward volunteer work at PAWS with my kitty skills class this Thursday and also sign up to volunteer at local libraries. We'll take things from there! 

Purring kitties and clean bookshelves might do the world at least a little bit of good after all, right?

Rounding Third

After weeks of working off-and-on refinishing the sewing desk we are into the final stages of refinishing.

Yesterday was staining and today we're applying a protective polyurethane coat and cleaning the hardware. Even after multiple chemical stripping sessions, the fiance and I ended up dismantling the desk for a sanding session at his parents'.

The weekend actually began at my parents' house for a farewell get together for my brother. The fiance and I drove down Friday evening and picked up a DQ cake with "Ram it up!" piped on the top in purple. His new school colors are gold and purple and his mascot is a golden ram.

It was a nice gathering with a few of my brother's friends but I think the dinner out earlier this month with just our family was more memorable. It's been years since the family have all been out to eat together with just the sibs and parents. As usual our meal included some hearty laughs and tears.

From what I remember, our family doesn't tend to gather at the dining table for dinner very often. When we do have dinner at the table it usually involves crude jokes, silly stories, and a dropped fork or two. While it may not compute for some people, I love our messy, crude family dinners.

Formal dinners at my childhood home usually began quietly with a disjointed, hesitant passing of dishes around the table and an awkward conversation prompted by canned questions from the parents. A smart remark from one of the younger siblings, some jokes and ribbing, maybe a little argument and the dinner really gets underway.

By the end of the meal we're a tear-stained, red-faced family with stomach aches from laughing too hard and eating too much. My brother usually plays with the last bits of food on his plate while Dad soldiers on to munch "just one more taste."

We clean up the dishes and either gather for a family game or disperse. Occasionally family members mill around the kitchen and dining table, either waiting for dessert or unsure if the phenomena has ended or not.

So often my family ate dinner hours apart from each other, especially during our high school years or when Dad was out late working or at a tennis match. I'm sure we're not the only family with this story! While it is a little sad and we've missed out on many family dinners together, I cherish the family dinners that I've come to know.

After all, I'd rather have memorable, meaningful dinners together every once in awhile than day after day of stuffy meals with no character.

The rest of the weekend was fun with a lot of driving. The fiance and I listened to a book on tape that my dad passed on to us.

Book on tape, "Fire Sale." Not exceptionally well written, but

we enjoyed the mystery and listening to all the fun voices on CD!

The drive over the mountains was gorgeous even though we hit a construction stop where we were stopped for about 15 minutes. It was a pretty enjoyable 15 minutes with a great view of Mt. Rainier in the rear view and lovely mountain breezes.

The visit with the future in-laws involved some delicious meals, sanding the sewing desk, playing with my future mother-in-law's Cricut machine, and watching TV together. We especially enjoyed watching a channel that featured crime-related reality shows and other entertainment. We watched an episode of "Dallas SWAT" which featured a semi-truck carjacking/hostage situation that got us into a tizzy!

It was a good weekend. The fiance and I had a rough start but by the end of the weekend we were back in happily-ever-after-land :o)

This week has had a slow start but I'm getting work done on the sewing desk and made it to yoga today for an especially challenging session. I recommended doing "backbendy things" and by the end of the class we had all sweaty brows and one lady had even popped several farts throughout class *heehee*

As for the cats: Millie and Iroh were happy to have the parents back from a weekend away. I just discovered that Iroh enjoys sharing Bold Chex Mix while Millie is still busy being cute.

Snow Falling on Cedars

I know that this book has been around for over a decade now, but I hadn't read it until this week--and I'm glad that I finally did! Why? Well, A) Actively reading helps my mood B) It was a durn good book!

I vaguely knew that the book was based in the Puget Sound and that there was something about Japanese Americans and racial conflict, but I had no idea how wonderfully complex and well-woven the book was.

While the driving story line is based on the murder trial of a local Japanese American fisherman, Kabuo Miyamoto, the underlying plot of an old, forbidden tryst between his now-wife and another islander reveal complexities of the murder case as well as island politics.

The murder trial takes place in the 1950s, but the tyrst leads readers back to the early 1930s and beyond as Guterson frames racial tensions and community relations on the small island. Painting a rich picture of island life and crafting complex character relations makes for an entertaining read, but Guterson also injects stark realism with his portrayal World War II's affect on the islanders.

For anyone who enjoys a book with well wrought description and memorable, complex characters, "Snow Falling on Cedars" is a must read. It was especially enjoyable as a Western Washingtonian to read descriptions of our wet conifer forests and local island towns but even without a close connection to the setting of this book I would've enjoyed Guterson's descriptions and carefully cultivated scenery.

I finished the book in short order and was sad to see the finish come so soon as the characters were so realistic and intriguing. Not only did I enjoy the touch of romance and the wonderful writing, I appreciated the historical complexity Guterson crafted into his novel with great skill. Two thumbs way up!

In other news: Millie went to the vet yesterday and got IV fluids, antibiotics, and anti-nausea meds. We're trying to get to drink on her own and keep eating and also have to give her antibiotics for the next week or so, twice a day.

Iroh is perky and lounging in the sunshine as much as he can (in no way guilty about getting his sister sick).

I also read "The Girl With No Shadow" by Joanne Harris, a sequel to her novel "Chocolat."

While I enjoyed the book, it did take a while to get underway and was not nearly as enchanting as "Chocolat." I was constantly distracted by the leap from a small, backwards village to a modern Paris with iPods and laptops, but in the end the characters saved the book and drew me in. (I think part of my problem was that I read "Chocolat" so long ago and had seen the movie very recently, they are two different beasts and probably confused my reading a bit.)

I did enjoy the "villain" in this novel as she was much more crafty and threatening than the mayor in "Chocolat." "The Girl With No Shadow" has more magic and enough deceit and drama to keep your pages turning and was an entertaining afternoon read that I plowed through rather quickly! Not a must-read, but an okay afternoon's entertainment.

The parents are coming up this afternoon for a meatloaf dinner and an evening minor league baseball game. It should be fun, but we have to keep a tight schedule as my dad has to be at the airport with my brother and co. before 0500 tomorrow to head to Vegas (my brother is turning 21 on Monday-yippee!).