Bye, March!

Well, there went March. It started out pretty productive but then screeched to a halt when my mental health decided I wasn't quite ready to run on all cylinders quite yet.

It's been a rough month but I did have my first glimmers of hope returning earlier this week while hanging out with my fiance and best friend (she was in town training future coworkers). Until that night I hadn't really had much hope regarding the future and I was simply avoid thinking about the future. Since then I haven't been skipping on rainbows but it was a mile marker to be noticed and appreciated.

I had intended to be sending out wedding invites this upcoming week but considering we don't have any locations locked in or a list of invitees' addresses or a complete and final guest list to begin with-I won't be visiting the post office anytime soon.

$%&#

*deep breath*

My standards are far too high. That makes me bristle to say but I need to lower my expectations of myself and others or I'm going to drive myself into the ground. If I get married in a highway median-so be it-things will most likely fall into place with or without my input.

*deep breath*

It's very stressful for me to let go of things (especially my wedding) and hand over my "project" to someone else. Like most everything I produce or put my two cents into I believe it reflects upon me and I feel the same about the wedding. It's scary to let it go, trash my timeline and expectations and just hope that it all comes together.

Really not my style but I don't really have a choice. I can hardly discuss the wedding with panic breaking over me-tightening my chest, swelling my temples, and shortening my breath.

*deep breath*

After all, who really cares what others think? Big freaking deal-it's a wedding folks. They happen everyday all over the place in a million different ways and you'll hardly remember the majority of it in the long run. I just have to hold onto what's really important-marrying my fiance.

That's the core of the entire ordeal and the only thing that really matters. Become legally married to my soul mate-achieve this and the day will be a success.

In other news I've been listening to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and have loved every minute of it! I'm not a huge fan of the Downey Jr. movies but the original text is wonderful.