Bedridden. To be confined to bed by sickness or age. Me. Today. Bedridden.
All because of a Learning Management System that I know nothing about.
The morning started off all right with an earlier than usual wake-up and purposeful shower and dressing. I was going to the District Office to finish my new hire paperwork and get the photo taken for my official ID badge. I felt good about my outfit, comfortable with the unknowns, and while I didn't get all my questions answered-I felt the trip went well.
Then I got home to tie up some loose ends-email here, a call attempt there. Still haven't heard back about those things. What I did look into was my Canvas program. It's a big ole hunk of software for posting assignments, submitting assignments, posting discussions, and beyond. Something that I have no experience whatsoever with.
I didn't even get a log-in during my student teaching. I had to do everything behind the district's back on my mentor's lappy or manually on mine. Wi-fi? No thank you. I have a hunk of junk with a USB.
Anyways. Looking at Canvas and feeling totally overwhelmed started to chip away at me. I tried to cope. I tried to problem solve and watch some tutorials and it just got worse. Next thing ya know I'm sitting on the ground the hubs is telling me to please get into bed. I'm crying and shaking. "What was I thinking? What was I thinking? I can't do this." I make it to bed and he makes me take an anti-anxiety med, piles my weighted blanket and comforter on me, and set me to resting.
Resting. Resting for I don't know how long. The day disappeared. BB probably consumed a week's worth of television in this day.
I don't know. I have to become better at not knowing. Waiting for the learning to come. They haven't assigned our classes or our curriculum decided yet so there is nothing I can do but read, guess, and wait.
The unknown.
Me on a stage in front of all those kids.
But right now, all the unknown.
Tuesday, June 30, 2020
Tuesday, June 23, 2020
Settling In
Our move started on Friday morning. We made it nearly halfway to UT that night and then the rest of the way Saturday. Unpacked and returned the truck on Saturday too! We were quite impressed with ourselves (between the delirium of so much work and driving). The trip is about 13 hours without stops. We split it up between two days with multiple stops. BB insists on peeing to his own schedule.
The rental is a big split level. There are some issues to be addressed but overall we are comfortable. The neighborhood seems quiet, with a share of older residents but some younger as well. There is a great park about a 20 minute walk away that should wear out BB.
I have yet to start any school tackling business what with the move. That is to be expected but for some reason I still pressure myself to take it all on at once. It was an emotional and stressful process to move. I don't remember the last time we did so I'm not sure how I handled it then. This time there were tears and dysfunction-not eating and overworking until my brain was curdled. (Oh man, now I want pudding).
Anyways! We like our location, seems within 15 minutes to everything we want or need. The yard is a wreck but they should be dealing with that soon (the hubs talked to the property manager so who knows the real story).
I'm tired... but wanted to check in. We are here. We are here and working on it all. And hopefully tonight I get a good night's rest!
PS WHEW IT IS HOT!
The rental is a big split level. There are some issues to be addressed but overall we are comfortable. The neighborhood seems quiet, with a share of older residents but some younger as well. There is a great park about a 20 minute walk away that should wear out BB.
I have yet to start any school tackling business what with the move. That is to be expected but for some reason I still pressure myself to take it all on at once. It was an emotional and stressful process to move. I don't remember the last time we did so I'm not sure how I handled it then. This time there were tears and dysfunction-not eating and overworking until my brain was curdled. (Oh man, now I want pudding).
Anyways! We like our location, seems within 15 minutes to everything we want or need. The yard is a wreck but they should be dealing with that soon (the hubs talked to the property manager so who knows the real story).
I'm tired... but wanted to check in. We are here. We are here and working on it all. And hopefully tonight I get a good night's rest!
PS WHEW IT IS HOT!
Monday, June 15, 2020
Farewells
Farewells are happening. I posted online that we were moving and had a few friends contact me to arrange farewell meetings. I was able to enjoy a late lunch with one friend of 13 years on Friday. We couldn't believe it's already been 13 years! She just had her daughter a few months ago... we will miss each other but I've promised to get in touch around the holidays. Tomorrow and the next day I see two more friends. Little awkward with the pandemic on but we're trying to commune with caution.
Today I said farewell to my favorite provider of all time. My psych ARNP that has been taking care of me for the last 3-or nearly 3-years. She reflected on my intake during our last appointment this afternoon and said that I was fresh off ECT with hardly any working memory and completely flat expression. SO much has changed she says. She's very excited for the hubs, BB, and me to make our new life in Utah. I cried. But said I will send Christmas cards which she was happy to hear!
In other news the house is getting to the "mostly packed" phase with odds and ends making up awkwardly packed boxes now instead of the more thematic and neat boxes of earlier. Friday we wake up early and start the moving process! Saturday we will move into the new house down there. BB is excited and lets me know that even though he'll be far away from his friends and cousin and grandma that he can still call them.
My sibs weren't too concerned with goodbyes this weekend. We had a family BBQ yesterday and said farewells until Christmas. All things aligned we'll be back north for the holiday.
Oh! I finished a stitching project that I didn't intend to finish... some of the cross stitches turned to half stitches and it's not perfect but here ya are-my "Not Our Monkeys" reminder to not take on everyone else's stress. "Not my circus; not my monkeys." If it's somebody else's mess I am not responsible and don't need to through myself into an abyss worrying about it. Something like that... hopefully it makes sense to you all as it does to me!
Today I said farewell to my favorite provider of all time. My psych ARNP that has been taking care of me for the last 3-or nearly 3-years. She reflected on my intake during our last appointment this afternoon and said that I was fresh off ECT with hardly any working memory and completely flat expression. SO much has changed she says. She's very excited for the hubs, BB, and me to make our new life in Utah. I cried. But said I will send Christmas cards which she was happy to hear!
In other news the house is getting to the "mostly packed" phase with odds and ends making up awkwardly packed boxes now instead of the more thematic and neat boxes of earlier. Friday we wake up early and start the moving process! Saturday we will move into the new house down there. BB is excited and lets me know that even though he'll be far away from his friends and cousin and grandma that he can still call them.
My sibs weren't too concerned with goodbyes this weekend. We had a family BBQ yesterday and said farewells until Christmas. All things aligned we'll be back north for the holiday.
Oh! I finished a stitching project that I didn't intend to finish... some of the cross stitches turned to half stitches and it's not perfect but here ya are-my "Not Our Monkeys" reminder to not take on everyone else's stress. "Not my circus; not my monkeys." If it's somebody else's mess I am not responsible and don't need to through myself into an abyss worrying about it. Something like that... hopefully it makes sense to you all as it does to me!
Saturday, June 6, 2020
Packing Has Begun
I have decided I don't really like packing. Perhaps I'll like unpacking more? I can't really remember our other moves-how stressed I was, how satisfying it may have been, how afraid I was for our favorite belongings. So, I'm taking things one box at a time.
One thing I'm not taking one at a time is reading. I have four books cracked at the moment (and a day ago it was five). I'm reading The First Days of School and The Hate U Give to prepare for school and Anna Karenina and Julie & Julia for pleasure (although The Hate U Give is also a good book). I just finished a very dense read about PBS (Positive Behavioral Support) which I had tried to read at least three times before and failed. It was a library book that I got stuck with when plague hit. I then discovered that the school I'm headed to is using a similar (if not same) behavioral management program so I buckled down and got 'er dun.
As far as moving we have given notice and set a date-the 19th. That said, we don't for sure have a place to move just yet. They couldn't process the application without us having given notice because our current apartment management wouldn't confirm our tenancy without us having given notice. Huh??? It's scary. The hubs thinks the next contact from the property manager in Utah will be to arrange a time to get the keys. I'm still afraid of rejection.
There is a chance (if the apartment hasn't rented our unit) that we can stay on until the end of June if need be. I hope it doesn't come to that. I already feel like we're packed up a bit early but it will be a process I suppose.
I have been so caught up in the move and being freaked out about the prospect of my teaching role that I haven't been keeping up on the blogging. I wonder how y'all are doing?
One thing I'm not taking one at a time is reading. I have four books cracked at the moment (and a day ago it was five). I'm reading The First Days of School and The Hate U Give to prepare for school and Anna Karenina and Julie & Julia for pleasure (although The Hate U Give is also a good book). I just finished a very dense read about PBS (Positive Behavioral Support) which I had tried to read at least three times before and failed. It was a library book that I got stuck with when plague hit. I then discovered that the school I'm headed to is using a similar (if not same) behavioral management program so I buckled down and got 'er dun.
As far as moving we have given notice and set a date-the 19th. That said, we don't for sure have a place to move just yet. They couldn't process the application without us having given notice because our current apartment management wouldn't confirm our tenancy without us having given notice. Huh??? It's scary. The hubs thinks the next contact from the property manager in Utah will be to arrange a time to get the keys. I'm still afraid of rejection.
There is a chance (if the apartment hasn't rented our unit) that we can stay on until the end of June if need be. I hope it doesn't come to that. I already feel like we're packed up a bit early but it will be a process I suppose.
I have been so caught up in the move and being freaked out about the prospect of my teaching role that I haven't been keeping up on the blogging. I wonder how y'all are doing?
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