Transfer of Care: Complete

 Today I had my first appointment with the new therapist-and it went GREAT! We ended up doing the appointment over the phone instead of via the digital meeting, so not face-to-face but went well all the same. He didn't talk about himself and he was interested in what was going on with me! Even talked about some productive, new things I can try. I'm very happy. Still not sure I need a ton of therapy but have some things to work on. We're going to track some good anti-anxiety behaviors to try to get my coping skills up and work with ACT therapy to build resilience.

The appointment actually left me feeling proud and grateful. I really have come a long way and the job I'm working is so well-suited to my needs. I need the structure but I need the time to recoup and I'm very lucky to have a part-time gig like this.

In other news, yesterday was my last day of instruction before break. I'm glad to be on break but also have worries in the back of my mind about when I get back because there are only 2 weeks until the end of quarter after we get back. That means finalizing grades and preparing materials for a new quarter. I know that I'm going to be out-of-sync with the other 12th grade teacher because my kids are finishing the book we're reading this quarter. I'm going to focus on some writing skills. 

I'm really going to miss my myth class. They have been so fun. We are watching "Kiki's Delivery Service" and doing a Hero's Journey analysis on it for our final assignment. I hope they enjoy. It is truly a delightful film.

I had a break down Tuesday after another new teachers meeting. They are so triggering for me. They are spot on with their topics, just the stuff that I'm insecure about! It always gets me thinking about what I can improve which gets me thinking about where I'm failing... or should I say have shortcomings? Failure is such a potent word for me. That is one of the things I told my therapist, that I grew up with a lot of success and perfectionism so that I didn't learn how to fail well. Hopefully that makes sense (?). 

Anyways. The hubs is looking for a new job. His contract isn't up un
til January and he's not sure that they won't review but he isn't waiting around and he actively wants a new gig anyways. There is just too much stress and the work isn't what he likes to focus on anyway. I'm nervous about the transition but excited for him.

My hair is so long now I can clip my bangs back! I'm not sure exactly where I'm going with the grow-out but I don't care right now. I'm just happy to not need haircuts every other month and not have to worry about it. Although it is behaving a little oddly at this length some days! 

SO that's it for now... I will let you know how the holidays go. BB had a HUGE tantrum/break down yesterday so hopefully he has misbehavior out of his system for a while! He's been doing tutoring at and we had to walk away from our appointment because he was freaking out so much. 

Good vibes and hugs for all. Happy Holidays and stay safe out there!

Transfer of Care

This morning my therapist called in sick for the 2nd or 3rd time since I started seeing him a few months back. I haven't been responsive to his care as it is and decided to request a new therapist. It makes me nervous. I know that I'll probably never see or him from him again but just the act of leaving makes me anxious. I don't want to offend or upset and yet I'm also excited for a new chance at clicking with someone. 

School has been digital since the week of Thanksgiving (once we hit our threshold for cases we go digital for 2 weeks) so tomorrow is our last digital day for this quarantine. It's been a good shift actually. Shorter class times are accepted and I sort of like the weird silence that comes with hosting a mass Zoom meeting. It feels a bit less awkward than the wall of silence I experience in my live classroom teaching.

The silence is deafening. I'm so concerned about my teacher observations and having administrator(s) see that I don't get my kids talking and can't propel a conversation in class. There are a couple kids in each class that will contribute but for the most part everyone sits and stares. I don't know if they just don't get it or just don't feel comfortable talking. Cold calling (just randomly choosing someone) works rarely. A lot of time I get the "I don't know" or "I have nothing to say." 

In more cheerful news I bought myself an advent calendar from The Body Shop and have been thoroughly enjoying it. I started it early and have had a nice bath bomb, hand lotion, and shea butter soap-a full size one at that! It's a pretty cool little thing that I might repeat in years to come. BB has a LEGO advent calendar that he opens and builds a little LEGO creation every morning. He's loving it too. The hubs... doesn't have anything. But he did eat a bunch of cheeseball last night. :P

I freaked out Monday about my health and feeling like I'm not sleeping well. It's not good and I'm nervous about my mood slipping. I also haven't been working out regularly (read: at all) and that affects my sleep and my mood as well. It's the time of year that usually proves challenging for me and it's the first year I have felt relatively stable for as long as I have. SO if I have a shot at getting through unharmed this is it. 

One day at a time.