I Believe dem Hormones be Settlin'

For the past few weeks I have been feeling a bit broody and thinking about baby number two a lot. Not quite baby fever, I haven't been inspired to attack my husband or anything, but definitely feeling a little crazy and dwelling on the idea of getting pregnant again.

The last couple days seem to have turned the tide for me! Baby has been fussy and difficult (well, compared to the "easy" baby I had last week) and I've been too busy and tired to think about another baby. I suspected that my desire to have another baby so soon was the result of hormones or a postpartum high. Now I'm feeling more sane and in touch with reality ;)

Also on my mind has been my best friend, or more accurately my old best friend, my no longer friend best friend. It's been 2 months since I heard from her, I've deleted her family from my FB friends, and I think we're going our separate ways.

Things had been on a downward trajectory for quite a while and after that horrible visit in October I haven't felt like I get anything out of the relationship but an energy drain and anxiety. After many chats with the hubby I decided to give his distancing technique a try, taking longer and longer to respond to texts and only responding with short, noncommittal texts.

Though my intent was to end the relationship and move on, it still feels sad. Though she wasn't much of a friend I liked being able to say I had a friend. Maybe it's time to reframe my idea of friend versus acquaintance? It could simply be that my expectations are too high...

Anyways, back to today and taking care of Baby. Trying some new nursing regimen to try and deal with his fussiness-we may have been suffering from an oversupply issue without knowing it! Hoping the rest of the week goes smoother and we can figure it out :) 

A Good Enough Weekend

This weekend went well enough. Definitely stressful and concerning but no major breaks!

I'm pretty convinced now that my mom and sister are thoroughly deluded about this pregnancy or doing an incredibly stellar job not letting their concerns show. My gut goes with the former though...

During a walk with my mom (I did a lot of listening, she did a lot of talking about my sister and the mutual friend controversy) she mentioned something about her and Dad talking about retirement and I blurted, "Ha! What retirement? There's a 50/50 chance my sister and the baby end up living with you guys!"

She was shocked. Probably a bit that I would speak my mind but mostly at the idea that my sister wouldn't be independent. She couldn't believe I thought that and didn't seem to think it was likely at all, breaking down the "game plan" which hinges entirely upon my sister getting welfare.

Welfare. As if WIC wasnt bad enough. The values we were raised with are being flouted right and left and my mother isnt even concerned one bit about things working out? Seems like major red flags to me... I'd said it's textbook delusion!

Anyways. The hubster was very supportive and we talked a lot about it all. Even got to talk with my friend too, a good sanity check! Talking with my mom on that walk I started to wonder if I was crazy for thinking my sister isn't stable and that the situation is precarious, Mom seemed to think my sister is fine. A rocky personality but overall very functional and capable of handling the challenge, yet I see her as barely capable of handling student life, which, let's face it, is pretty cozy and insulated as far as life goes! College campuses these days are adult daycares!

So.... Still processing. I think the sister drama is combined with shifting roles and relations from becoming a mother and it's made for some interesting few months! Feels like Im getting somewhere though, positive changes I think.

At the lake waiting to see if apartment fire alarm testing is done, been out walking with Baby for a good hour now... Nice to get out though. Funny how my old walk route is the same but lots of changes! Life always trudges on!