Something Hilarious and Something ... Deep

First off, the hilarious.

I spend a lot of time with my kitties but I had never experienced Millie and Window's Media Player. I guess listening to public radio is a lot more entertaining than people give it credit!

As for the deep, it's actually Mother's Day related-how thematic!

Earlier this week I got a call from my sister asking where our maternal grandmother was buried. Let me put this in context for you....

We know next to nothing about our maternal grandmother but we do know that occasionally her birthday falls on Mother's Day. Our mom has brought this up multiple times and this year is one of those years. My sis concocted a plan to take Mom to the cemetery to visit her mother on Mother's Day/her birthday.

Okay. After the call I hopped on Google trying to figure out where that cemetery was. I remembered visiting it as a child but it had been nearly a decade since my last visit-so my memories seemed a little disjointed.

After nearly 45 minutes of fruitless Googling using all the last names I could think of (our grandmother had a few different marriages and went by several different last names through her lifetime) I switched tactics and decided to rely on my childhood memories more directly.

Powering up Google maps I simply scanned the region I remembered the cemetery being and soon I found there was really only one option. I called the cemetery to try and confirm my suspicions but there was no answer.

So I opted to drive an hour south to check myself. I didn't want to tell my sister and have my guess be wrong!

It was a beautiful day and I thoroughly enjoyed the drive with my book on tape blasting away. I had scribbled some directions on a slip of paper and as I drove further into town a pressure grew in my chest.

I recognized a certain hill. I instantly knew I was on the right track.

A couple more blocks and I found the entrance to the cemetery. My speed slowed to a respectful and somewhat lost 5 mph and I meandered into to the field of souls. I vaguely remembered the grave being by a mausoleum type of building and being positioned behind the caretakers' building.

Turning right I cruised past more graves and felt a pang of awkwardness as I saw families busy at work tending their respective sites. I felt like an intruder. I wasn't even sure if I could find the grave and I hadn't been here for over ten years and these folks were here dutifully attending their charges!

I decided to pull over and proceed on foot and before I knew it realized I had stopped my car a mere ten feet from my intended site.

A decade later based on a middle school memory I had found the headstone.

I felt a whirl of emotions and a huge lump in my throat. I had no memories of this woman except for this grave site. Even then I couldn't have described the headstone's design although it seemed so familiar when I found it.

And we share a name. Our middle names. She's a namesake of mine and I know next to nothing about her.

I took a rubbing of the headstone and snapped this picture with my phone and then sat down and journalled. I didn't recall many of the other stones, just the lady next door that had died a year before my grandmother. It was all strangely therapeutic and still grating. All the family awkwardness and bitter secrets shoved in my face.

My walk down memory lane didn't end there. I drove a few blocks over and then up a steep hill to my grandmother's old house. The house my mom grew up in and the home my aunt once took and my cousin as well.

Without the old stone wall along one side and the giant willow in the yard I wouldn't have recognized it.

The old red sides were replaced with neutral siding and the old crab apple tree was gone. The gravel driveway was maintained and level and there was a lovely wood and glass front door and blooming flowers in front of the windows.

It looked homey and cheerful. The house I remembered was dark and shaggy with a dank smell of old animals and cigarette smoke.

I found myself mourning the loss of this family landmark but also happy to see a happier house than I recalled. I imagined my childhood home transforming into someone else's home and cringed. I can't imagine losing that house to someone else's lifestyle-but I calmed myself knowing that I'd always have my memories.

It was a strange journey and on my drive home it took twenty minutes to swallow the lump in my throat and relax the tension in my chest.

So many memories and so many feelings. My sister asked that I meet her and Mom at the cemetery today-Mother's Day-but I couldn't agree to it. For some reason I had to protect that solo visit.