Internal Dialogue

Sometimes I am downright cruel to myself. It's something I've been trying to work past for years.

Over two years ago I started this blog to practice expressing myself, attempt to validate myself, and improve my life, but last night I didn't feel so good about my blogging.

Yesterday I joined BlogHer. I'm still not completely wrapped around what I'm doing on BlogHer but I was compelled and so I joined. After the initial thrill wore off the all too familiar anxiety set in.

Who am I to call myself a blogger? What have I really been saying these past two years? What's the point of this blog? Do I really have a theme or point to any of my posts?

And worst of all:

Is this blog just a glorified Facebook full of bloated "nothing" posts?

Thankfully, I was able look past my panic and shaky self-value and wonder where all these thoughts come from.

A big chunk of this negativity blossoms from my horrible self-esteem/self-worth, but what I found most intriguing was a tiny glimmer behind that familiar dark shroud. That little glimmer whispered, "Because you haven't been honest."

Sure, I've shared a lot in this blog. I've even made some great insights, but for the most part I haven't been honest.

I haven't been completely myself, I've shied away from insight and embracing my full emotions and opinions. I've wimped out.

And now, I'm going to try accepting myself and stop holding back, stop stifling, stop hiding.

Here goes!