Not Bad, Not Bad At All

Tomorrow is Friday and the end of my work week, sort of. I might be going in Sunday night depending on the pace of business and how much the other personalizers can get done.

I was able to eat something for breakfast most days and was able to meet my lunch goal of three days! Didn't exactly pack a lunch each time but making food when I got home at midday was an achievement just the same.

In other eating habit news I've been on a sugar binge which I believe is related to the elevated stress of working and soaking up the emotions around me.

Tuesday I had a therapy appointment and my therapist, J, made a good point about how my being more sensitive and emotionally porous makes me vulnerable to sponging up other people's stress and emotions. Sometime I may be emotional without realizing that I'm channeling someone else's frustrations and not my own. It sounds a little kooky but it resonated with me and makes sense.

This week and last week I've been feeling remarkably cheery, goofy, and even lovey dovey. Without any major issues percolating in my mind I've been able to enjoy the hubster's company and the pets much more freely than in the recent past. Navigating trouble spots and flexing my positive emotional muscles along the way with a dash of faith and calm.

But it hasn't been all roses. Stress that isn't my own has been dogging me, causing anxiety and trouble getting to sleep. At first I tried to figure out what was bothering ME about these issues, but after talking with my therapist and thinking on it, I believe I was internalizing the struggles around me.

At first I believed I was playing my old "Mrs. Fix-it" role and attempting to solve other peoples' problems. "Mrs. Fix-it" is my first reaction to most external emotional trouble, but I had dropped that role and tried to leave behind the stress when these pesky, sticky, bad feelings kept grabbing me. Not being able to move on or reason myself away from the angst I began to realize these emotions weren't mine.

When people I care about are hurting I'm bound to listen and try to help, but even when they're not opening up about their problems or trying to "talk it out," my emotional energy field is still receiving their stress beacons. The challenge is ejecting those feelings before they cause me too much heartache or complicate my life. All the while understanding the source of the stress may go unresolved for some time, and that there is nothing I can do about it except cope as best I can and take care of me.


Thankfully the hubby has been helpful talking through the emotions with me, going on walks, and even shaking and yelling out some anger (he's a great in-house therapist). I also employ some deep breathing and visualization to help shoo those nasty, dwelling emotions from my mind. My favorite is launching the feelings into storm clouds and letting them float away while blue skies and nice cumulus clouds take over my mental atmosphere.