The hubby and I enjoyed this 1960 film with Jack Lemmon and Shirley MacLaine earlier this week. We always enjoy older movies for the "holy cow, look how different life was then!" factor but this movie also struck home in some surprising ways.
The whole premise of the movie is a ladder climbing insurance worker lends his apartment out to executives at his work for their extramarital trysts. It just so happens that he falls for one of the girls being used by an executive.
That's not the part we related to. We related to (SPOILER ALERT) a suicide attempt and subsequent caretaking/observation. Watching Jack Lemmon freak out about leaving his razors out while the suicidal woman recovered in his apartment reminded the hubster of his worries during my spells. Watching the two play Rummy reminded us of our forced activities to distract me from my pain (and we happen to love playing Progressive Rummy together).
It wasn't morbid though. We felt a little sad thinking of the horrible things we've been through but happy to be headed toward the light at the end of the tunnel. I felt a moment of guilt for putting him through such stress, but only briefly before feeling deep respect and appreciation.
My husband doesn't often talk about what he went through and he's still afraid to let me know when his nerves are fraying for fear of triggering a suicidal episode. It was important seeing his truth, hearing part of his story. My first reaction is to feel guilty but when I brush those reflexive thoughts aside I can see the sweeter side, the love and care, his dedication-and I become so grateful and feel such respect for my husband. The dark times are rough, but provide the perfect opportunity to see the worthiest, noblest parts of people and he has surely impressed his worth upon me.
I've been crawling out of a deep hole for a long time and every time I think of "once I'm outta here" I think about being able to take care of my husband, show him that I love him and care for him, and support him in ways that I haven't been able to for a while now. I'm just so glad that he has had enough faith in us to stick around for those brighter days.
You have reminded me to thank my husband (again and express my gratitude for staying with me the last two months. I had a suicide attempt in the beginning of December. I really have no idea how he got through it. I guess the word would be love. Thank god for that.
ReplyDeleteBirdie