Thursday, February 4, 2016


Not feeling so great today. Yesterday the ECT doctor asked about switching to bilateral treatment. Part of me doesn't care about potentially losing memories but I am upset about the ECT not doing exactly what it's supposed to do. I've been going under anesthesia and being zapped in the head for weeks and haven't felt much difference. I'm disappointed to be feeling this crappy after this much time. I'm not sure if I have much confidence in switching to bilateral if unilateral hasn't done much for me.

I also get to look forward to new medications that may or may not work. Woohoo.

Ugh. Unilateral. Bilateral. Medications. My therapist says I need to find someone else that is better able to assist me.


I'm sad. I feel like a failure. I'm losing faith in the treatments, my doctors.

This sucks.

Poop on a stick.

Poop on a flippin' stick.

Whatever that means.


  1. You ARE NOT a failure. No way, no how. The treatments might be, but you are not.
    Not surprised you are losing faith. What suggestions did your therapist have?

  2. Look up a Daniel Amen and his use of Spect (no-n-invasive imaging of all sections of the brain and how they work together...he's written several books and presents case studies that traditional treatment failed. Get your husband or someone you trust to research this guy and see if you can go to one of his centers or if you even want to...may be worth a look...Hugs!

  3. You a failure? I don't think so! The lengths you have gone to achieve wellness is remarkable. This treatment might now be working but it doesn't make you a failure. Hang in there. xoxo

  4. It's not you that's the failure. You've been doing everything right for yourself. Time for your medical team to step up and admit they need some outside assistance.

  5. Friday they upped the voltage or intensity of the ECT charge and I had my first struggles with memory issues. It was a little disturbing not remembering where I keep my bowls or plates etc. but overall it was just minor differences. In a weird way feeling the blank spaces in my mind made it feel like the ECT was working better than before. We decided to up the charge before switching to bilateral, hopefully won't have to switch to bilateral at all :) Guess we'll see how things go. Thanks for reading and commenting, I appreciate the support!!!

  6. Just stopping by to see how you are doing. Sending lots of love to you. xo


Thank you for reading and commenting!

Be well, HBF